And They Said I Couldn't Garden

I have a black thumb.  There, I said it. I think I bring my family disgrace by such wretched and awful gardening skills. I was tempted to take a picture of the recent flower that died on me for you guys to fully understand the way that I am capable of killing plants. But I spared your eyeballs. You. Are. Welcome. 

We have a flower box that I begged my husband for below our window that faces the street. I envisioned red beautiful flowers thriving in all their glory. I asked for the budget to purchase those flowers and my husband said I better buy them some place that can return them in case they died. He knows me all too well. I told him to give me a year and if I killed them I would just buy fake ones and never bother with buying any living organism ever again.  He came in one day from the yard and tells me "honey your plant out back... [I looked at him as he caught my attention] .."IT'S thriving!" If you couldn't tell by the capitalized AND italicized word, he was smiling with sarcasm. Just as that plant had died a terrible death, so did my red geraniums in my planter box.  Mind you, I asked for plants that you couldn't kill. Oh these are resilient they said, you won't kill these, they said...  They hadn't even made it half the year and they all looked dead and so sad. SO I returned them and got fake ones. I did however manage to not fully kill two little bundles. So I thought I would plant them in my "once thriving with plants that I also killed round spot" for the longest time nothing was happening. All I saw were green leaves. That's a good sing though. Anything not brown in plants is good right? So I left them. Doug kept threatening me to rip them out, to replace them with a tree but I kept asking him to give them a chance. 

A few weeks ago as I pulled in my driveway a bright red color caught my eye! MY FLOWERS BLOOMED! My four year old got so excited with me she tells her dad, "Daddy mommy's garden is so beautiful". Ahhhhh bless the hearts of little children. So we named the flower FAITH. I am happy to report that because God has sent in some rain (because I have forgotten to water the thing) FAITH the geranium, has multiple buds of flowers and she is beautiful. Not only has she endured all sorts of adversity (ANY plant that can withstand my black thumb is a resilient survivor. ) But she in comparison to my FAKE plants now residing on my window box- looks stunning. Those fake plants do not hold a candle to her TRUE colors and spirit. Even though she doesn't look perfect, even though some of her leaves have holes in them, EVEN though some of her flowers are a little dried out, her beauty so radiates from the inside and has truth and life ringing through her that all of the other "perfect" looking flowers are left in the background and all I want to look at every time I pull in, is her. I know she didn't do it on her own. God has helped her and strengthened her. If he has done that for her what more can he do for us? 

Now something else that blessed my heart so much here is that the other day I went up to look at FAITH the geranium and to my surprise the plant that I for sure thought was dead next to her is now full of little buds that will flower in a few days. FAITH inspired her friend to bloom for herself! What an image. I hope to God that you are following my crazy mind here. When we abide in God and we allow him to help us have fruit, we inspire those around us to trust him to do the same for them. I hope that if you're feeling today that you are that flower on it's last days hanging by a thread, you've been beat up, you've endured your own version of my black thumb. I pray and hope that you hang on. That you ask God for his help and that you abide in his word and watch to see if he doesn't grow some amazing flowers in your heart.  He is willing and he is able! Bloom on lover muffins! 

Here's a picture of my FAITH and the fakies. Look for yourself, which flower would you rather be? 

Stay blessed and stay saucy! 

-Libier

The Bright Orange Cones

There is a HUGE project  by my house for restructuring a massive street that has freeways connecting on a highly trafficked street in my home town. It has been annoying and awesome watching these Cal transit peeps work on it for the last year or so. At first, it didn't seem like they were getting much done. Then came all the demolition and reworking the streets, Lots of noise with all the digging up through concrete and such. Lanes had to be blocked off, sometimes some lanes were not even open. It has definitely been an adventure leaving and coming home for some time now. I never know which lanes will be open. I can't just be on auto pilot, you know. Which by the way one time I totally drove all the way to my HIGH SCHOOL after a couple of years of graduating, so yeah,you can very much be on auto pilot. It seems like they have to be more in the completion stages of the thing and I have grown used to the way things are now, until today!

They are working on this little loopty-woo (yep that's a word) that takes you from the big scary street to the small residential street and it loops around. Well I was on auto pilot, praying, mind you and all of the sudden all I see are these bright orange cones starting to line up a very different lane than I'm used to. I got a little nervy and grasped at the wheel a little tighter and asked God to help me not panic. I made it through just fine but was a little startled (not much compared to the way I would've been like before. I used to have terrible driving anxiety. This time my palms didn't even sweat!). It was funny that I was just praying that God would lead me in my life. I was asking him to not  let me "drive far off from Him" at that moment. And with that image I had an epiphany that HE WILL AND IS guiding me. He has been since before I knew Him and even more so now that I am asking for his help.

Just as the construction project in my neighborhood, it's taking a little time for God to do the work that he needs to do. But if you could see my heart you could see a huge construction site. Some parts still look without shape, a little ugly if you will. Some have more structure. Some things God has had to demo and tear down. However, now my detours don't seem scary. Every 'WILD' turn I allow my heavenly father to take me on I can feel him holding my hand ever so tightly. When I need redirecting he will put some bright orange cones to lead me into the right direction. I pray that you will believe God for his word is true. Psalm 119:105 He said that he will be "a lamp to my feet And a light to my path". I want to believe him. I hope you do too!

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

How To Deal With A Broken Heart.

My heart was broken last weekend. I'm not at all ready to say why or to write about it. But I am ready to say that if I didn't have God in my life a broken heart could of broke so many other things. I find that the closer I get to God the more amazing the spiritual battles get. The "devil" is ready and charging at me with his best "stuff". But you know what, if God is for me, who can be against me? No one, that's right! I have to learn to allow myself to hurt when crappy circumstances come into my life. I try to be so strong and so positive that I forget sometimes that being vulnerable and broken is where I need to be at that point in my life. So right now I'm broken and vulnerable, however I'm still joyful and trusting that God is mending me better than I was before. Trusting God and believing He has his hand in all of our lives is not easy. And it doesn't mean that you can't feel sad or frustrated. It's just a feeling of peace within the storm that you are being loved and taken care of, and trusting with all your might that a wonderful blessing WILL come from all of your yucky circumstances!

I hope you all are having a beautiful day!

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

What's Love Got To Do With It?

One of my first experiences with love, aside from family love, was my first boyfriend Zachary. He and I had this captivating love that started as explosively as a firework and ended just as fast. We had been in our relationship for a week and had already said the “I love you”s. Sadly, he had to move to Oregon because his parents were making him, (of course it wasn’t his idea, he was too in love with me to move) and so our love ended. It was the summer of fourth grade and I just knew my life would never be the same. We couldn’t keep up a long distance relationship, so we said our goodbyes. He left me with a love letter and a rock shaped as a heart- awesome! I cried my little heart out. I really didn’t know if my life would go on. I just recently read some of my journal entries from this very tumultuous time in my life and I couldn’t help but laugh, but in my ten year old me’s defense, what I felt for Zachary was the kind of love that cultivates in a week and you literally have no idea if your heart will ever be able to love again. Obviously, my heart loved again… again and again.

With every relationship I learned something about myself. Sometimes it would be something wonderful and others it would be just terrible. Baggage I wouldn’t want anyone else to know about me.  So I moved on, hoping that the next relationship would not expose the nastiness inside of me. But that’s the funny part about relationships. Someone will always make the little “monsters” in us come out to play when we least expect it. My experience of love without God in my life was conditional and self-seeking. It wasn’t until I got married that I realized that I was meant to love differently. No matter how many times my heart got broken, I was made to love time after time because love is a choice! The fireworks that I felt with Zachary when I was ten were the same fireworks I felt with any new boyfriend and especially my husband. However, the fireworks fizzled and that feeling of butterflies in my stomach was always something of the past. There had to be something else driving that love so it could sustain itself. The choice had to be to remain interested and wanting to make my husband feel respected and loved.  Not wondering what he has or hasn’t done for me lately (For the record I just want to say that what I just described is my ultimate wife persona. She is with me from time to time but other personas enjoy playing as well. Such as the nagging persona, the hormonal persona, the “You-don’t-care-about-my-new-haircut-so-that-means-you-don’t-love-me”persona, so on and so forth. I am not at all a perfect wife. I wish I could be, but this “choice” is ultimately the best version of me). Being married has sure taught me a few things about love.

June 2007- church bells are ringing!  We came home from our honeymoon and normalcy settled in. I felt a sense of uneasiness. I had no idea what I had signed up for. I thought that love and marriage were these perfect little butterflies that would flutter around the house everyday and we would always be smiling and he would always be my knight in shining what-cha-ma-call-it. We courted for only 5 months, got engaged, and in 5 more months we were locked in. So, you can see we didn’t know ALL the icky-ickies about each other yet, yet being the KEY word here. As our first year of marriage pressed on like a supercharged train, we went along for the ride. Finding many joys in the marriage as well as many dark moments in which we needed a higher power to help us! At one point in our marriage, I was having problems with an issue I’ve been battling with for a long time and I remember being so shattered inside that at that moment I thought I was unlovable by anyone. I was scared for my husband to see my brokenness. I thought that if he saw me this weak and sad he wasn’t going to want to be around me anymore. Skeletons of my past kept me captive and unable to move forward with my life. Horrible circumstances not fair for a young girl to have gone through haunted my thoughts. I was working out with God what had to be cut loose in order for the healing process to begin. I wanted to forgive. I wanted to rid myself of all the pain I felt inside. I got closer to God because my life depended on it. It wasn’t easy letting go and letting God’s love cover me like a blanket of hope. It wasn’t easy forgiving. When I made the choice to lift up my problems to the only One who can heal all, my salvation began. It was still very difficult for me. I can vividly remember one night crying in the shower. My husband heard my sorrow, got in and just held me. We didn’t speak one single word for a long time, he just held on to me until I cried out my very last tear. At the beginning, my tears were for how broken I felt inside and then they became tears of joy-joy for the love God had just displayed for me through my husband. That day my husband proved to me that he loves me beyond my looks, he loves me beyond the moments when I’m funny and kind and deserving of love. He loves me whole-heartedly.

Let’s jump ahead three years. It’s a hot August midnight; many contractions have been had. Too many if you ask me. I have been in labor for over thirteen hours and still no sign of this baby! Where is she!?  I was hungry, tired, and plain bored. I thought this show was going to be on the road much faster than it all went down. I was mad at my husband because he had just gotten to eat the most amazing smelling tri-tip barbecue sandwich, and the sweet smell of the barbecue sauce impregnated the room. Did I wish he would have fasted with me through this terrible two day ordeal? YES. Did he? NO. Anyway, I’m not bitter at him anymore, but not any-less either...  After being in pain, exhausted, feeling cheated with food, and bored to death, three o’clock came around. Guess who was ready to make her appearance? Who would have guessed that an hour of pushing a watermelon out of your what-do-you-know would feel like an eternity!  At 4:17AM, my little 8 pound, 21 inch slimy nugget got put on my chest. In that brief moment my heart grew about fifty times over. After having what seemed like hundreds of people in our room we were all of the sudden alone with our baby girl. It felt so bizarre, Mark 10:8 was apparent, “And the two shall become one”, and that we did! Whoa, I was in utter bliss and disbelief. I never, ever, in a bazillion years could have ever been prepared for the love I felt for my daughter.  Even now after a year of being a mommy I have a hard time containing all the love I have for her in my heart. I know that the way I love her is just a little preview of what God’s love is for me!  Dang!

I’ve been feeling love from my family ever since my mother’s first sign of morning sickness.  This incredible love fest has continued throughout my life. I have been so blessed to feel so much love from so many people! However, I will say that the one love that has made me fully understand what it really means to love is God’s love for ME. It is really easy for me to love people, when they are behaving in a way that I perceive as deserving of my love. It’s so easy for me to act loving to my husband when he brings me flowers and he rubs my feet. It’s amazing telling my little baby girl I love her when she smiles at me and hugs me. It is not so easy when they are being rude and mean, but that is what it means to really love, when it’s not conditional upon people’s behavior. God loves me even in the moments when I feel unlovable. He loves me in the moments when I least deserve it. He loves me in the moments when I feel completely broken and shattered. That kind of love is what I am striving for. I have felt love, I have experienced love, but I never fully understood it until I understood how profoundly God loves me.

My Flossy Adventures!

I had a delicious lunch out the other day and as I was driving home, I frantically looked in my hidden stash for a floss pick. I'm a big time flosser. One of the reasons why is that I've had 13 cavities at the same time before (not because I'm a disgusting slob who doesn't brush her grill, I think it's mostly genes and a pregnancy that did me in) so I'm really EXTRA cautious about my dental hygiene. And the other reason is that the dentist left a big gap between some of my molars and now every time I eat anything I have food treasures that want to stay in between my teeth without paying rent. I know, I'm gross, so what! Therefore I HAVE to floss after every meal. There don't you feel a lot closer to me know? haha

 Anyway, I could NOT find one of my little flossy friends. It took me about half an hour to get home and for the whole thirty minutes I was doing everything in my power to get that food out of in between my pearly whites! I tried shoving my tongue in between my teeth to get it out, that didn't work. By the by, why do I think that's even going to work when I KNOW my tongue is way bigger than the gap in my teeth?  I tried flushing my food friend out by aggressively swishing water in my mouth. THAT didn't work. So for some reason I thought to go back to plan A (the tongue thing) time and time again and guess what that still didn't work. I was obsessed with getting this sucker OUT!

After many failed attempts I realized that the right "tool" I needed was waiting for me at home and I KNEW that if I could just not freak out for a second and got home everything would be okay. I kept thinking if I just had floss it would be so much easier. It would go into the gap of my teeth and do the job it was designed to do, and I could live free of crap in my teeth until the next meal! If I just waited to get home and get to my floss, I could have had less stress, my life in those thirty minutes could have been a lot more peaceful. However, I resorted to using my own way to solve my problem and I got all bent out of shape!

I think many times in life I do the same thing with bigger problems. I know that God is the right tool that could go in and do the job faster more efficiently than any other "solution" I could possibly ever think of. I know this to be true and I STILL don't let God do His thing in my life sometimes. I don't give him the control because I think that by me doing something I am being more proactive. When on the contrary I'm just sitting in traffic for thirty minutes panicing about the food in between my teeth. Looking like an idiot to the casual passerby because I'm vigorously tring to swish water in my mouth whilest also trying to jam my HUGE tounge in a little crevice... if you know what I mean! I run in circles trying to fix my problems myself when I should trust God to be the right tool for the job of fixing me. Only He can. And the times I've let Him, I've felt a certain peace that I have come to crave.

I hope that you decide to use the right tool in your life.

Stay blessed and stay saucy ya'll!

-Libby Lu

Why Is My Aunt Flo Such a Party Pooper?

Today I just feel like organizing the heck out of everything in my house. I have this problem of always wanting to do something productive or else I feel like I am worthless. Okay maybe not to such extreme, but I'm always wanting to be busy with something. Although sometimes this is a good trait to have, some days it just bites me in the ass and makes me feel like my day meant nothing if I didn't climb Mt. Everest if you know what I mean. Couple THAT with being all hormonal and moody from a certain "visitor" and my gracefulness goes out the window! I want today to be different, and I know it can be because I am only a victim of my circumstances when I want to be.  I believe that a big part of what my life turns out to be is in my head. The more positive my attitude, the more positive my day is. The crappier I THINK the crappier I FEEL!

This is especially tough for me when I'm on my "days" if you know what I mean. Some days I just WANT to feel like crappy-dy crap! But more often than not this attitude is a downward spiral that takes heavenly intervention for me to get out of. So I try and try to not get stuck there! I know that my mind is powerful enough to get me out of any funky attitude, and if I couple that with prayer, it's all over. I can overcome anything!  I've done it time and time again with the help of God. However, sometimes I just don't want to feel good. Sometimes I just want to be a sourpuss! And that is just human nature. I've done that for the past couple days and now it's time to move on to more clear skies. I am choosing today to make my attitude one of gratitude and joyfulness, even if I'm not feeling that way right away, I know my body will follow my brain soon enough.

 Today I will place value on giving my 100% attention to my baby girl. I know that that means the world to her. I will invite her to do my chores with me and have fun doing it, instead of forcing a strict deadline for all chores to be done. Today, I will be thankful for all the blessings in my life. Today I will live as if it were my last day on earth and truly enjoy the parts that make my heart full of joy!
What will YOU do today?

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

The Butternut Squash That Almost Killed Me!

The other day I was making a dish that said, "pair me with a butternut squash soup". So I said, "Okay"! It would mark the first time I made something with butternut squash myself and I had no idea what was in store! As I attempted my first cut, I struggled to get my knife in the right position, a couple seconds latter I KNEW this was going to be super difficult. I used the BIGGEST knife I had and the shell of this thing was so hard to cut through! - I feared for my life. Those suckers are difficult to dice!! Why did  no one ever tell me this!?

I did the best that I could and only managed to salvage 30% of the squash for my soup. I was left baffled and wishing there was a better way. After making my B.S. soup (sorry I don't want to keep saying Butternut squash.. Butternut squash... Butternut squash.. so we'll stick to B.S. I don't know what's worse), both my husband and I decided it was deliciosa (delicious in Spanish). It was just so darn tough to make it that it makes me not want to ever cook it ever again. However, I remember the sweet and butter-nutty taste and my mouth waters... and then I want to do it all over again. Kind of when you go through labor, you're in all this pain and then somehow you forget how difficult it was once you hold your little baby, you get mommy amnesia and you want bring another little nugget into the world    (pregnant pause).      And back to soup...

I started thinking of myself and I figured out that I am a lot like a butternut squash. How? You ask. Well let me tell you. I started out this hard shell. Walls up. Insecurities up the yin-yang. People would try to come into my "space" and I pushed away- hard! I was this self-seeking, not flexible, selfish, vain, judgmental person. Sometimes someone would be able to get in a bit; but even then it was frustrating I bet. The "fruit" that was in me still did not give any good taste. It wasn't until I finally let God IN that I was able to become sweet and soft so to speak. God in many ways was the boiling water wearing me down to be kind, humble, and joyful.

And then a new day comes and I start all over again! God tries and tries to break me apart so that he can put me in "hot" water to make me "sweet" once again. This is an every day process. I will never be fully GOOD, there are so many temptations and worldly desires that can ruin my walk with God. But He is always looking for the opportunity to help me along with my journey. I just need to let Him. I start off as the B.S. All hard and outer-shelly (I think I just made that word up). And then he dices me up and shows me what my place is in life when I walk with Him. Even if he gives me something difficult to go through in this life "my hot, boiling water", when I walk with God, I will always end up a sweet and delicious butternut squash soup.

P.S. I really hope you like butternut squash. If you don't, that sucks and you'll just have to substitute your favorite vegetable that's difficult to cook. haha

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

Don't Hate Me Cus' I'm Beautiful- Or Homely - Or Ogarish

 I watched Shrek today, in Spanish, and may I say that it was hilary (short for hilarious- as one of my favorite friends would say-in this instance making it way too long because of this extremely long explanation. But it saves you one syllable, applicable elsewhere. Okay the end). I enjoyed all the Mexican culture puns and the play on words. I laughed, I cried, okay maybe just the first, but most of all it made me think~

Princess Fiona: is afraid of being "ugly" so she automatically thinks that her curse  made her an Oger at night. At the end of the movie we find out that her True Love's Kiss revealed her true self. Her once "pretty" appearance disappeared and we see that she becomes the, all-the-time-ogeresque, beauty.

Shrek: Describes himself as an onion who is deep and misunderstood by the WORLD. He pretends to be something he is really not, to feed into the "image" that others portray him as, so people will just leave him alone.

So here's what I think (and this is just my opinion, you might have a different one, and guess what. That's okay).

We as people tend to always want to blame others for things (myself included). Simply put. When someone is mean to us because we have a "disadvantage" or we are "different",  it is so easy to blame them and anyone else who thinks like them for our bitterness. Deep down we are just hurt that we are not being accepted the way we want to be, by those people. In some cases most people can brush off a couple encounters with these people I like to call, Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers. But there are other people that have a little more sensitive soul that get stuck. They can get so stuck that they themselves become the N.N.'s and D.D.'s. They themselves become bitter and Ogeresque.

Just because someone is beautiful (and take mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder), does not mean that they have it better in life. Just because someone is homely does not mean that they are a trapped oger mad at the world for their looks. To me, someone who is aesthetically pleasing, can be the ugliest person I know, based on their heart. And someone who is not so cute, can quickly become a beautiful swan in my eyes if they have a heart of gold. I think for the most part we KNOW this to be true. Why our society puts so much emphasis on looking a certain way, I have no idea. BUT the point I'm trying to make here is that, if we go around ourselves blaming the WORLD for our actions and our sadness and bitterness, it's going to be one long and lonely life.

Take the rains of your life and chose to be the most beautiful person from the inside regardless of what your shell looks like. In the end we ALL get saggy and wrinkled anyway and then what. Do you want to spend the rest of your life treasuring your good looks and wishing you had youth? No, that's another way to have a long and sad life.

Think about it.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

Why I Write

Let me let you in on a little secret. I love writing this blog because I feel like I'm helping someone while doing it. Even if that someone is myself on days when no one reads the blogs. But I am far from always taking my own advise and I still need a lot of work in my walk with God.  I knew I had to start writing because God told me I had to. To be quite honest I never know what I'm going to write about. Let alone if I'm going to make ANY sense at all. You see, I was never a good writer in school. Shoot, you might think I'm not even a good writer now, that's besides the point. I now enjoy doing it and it makes me joyful. But anyhow. When I write all these things I truly feel like God helps me put the words together. Sometimes I will go back in time and read the things I write and think, wow, I should practice what I "preach".

I am in no way shape or form a  perfect person. I wish I could be on point all the time but I truly have many days where I am so deep in my own selfishness that I can't see past the hairspray in the room. However, the good part about writing a blog is that I keep myself accountable. I, at least have to try and do the things that I say most of the time. I guess I'm just writing this because I would never want any of you to think that I've got my whole act together and I can't take any advise or what ever. Because God knows that I am as far from perfection as Charlie Sheen is from getting back on any decent T.V. show (I'm sorry if you're a big fan). 

I hope you know that I'm in this as much as you are and if you ever need any prayer or anything please don't feel weird, contact me. I would love to pray for you. We are faced with such difficult spiritual warfare in this life and we need to join together as brothers and sisters in Christ and help one another out. If we don't who will?

Stay blessed and stay saucy! 

My New Year's Resolutions

     
   Hello 2012! Hello friends! I hope you had a great New Year's eve and a great start to the new year.

I wanted to write down my new year's resolutions and I wasn't going to make a blog about it, but the more and more I thought about it, I realized that by telling you guys, my friends, it would give me more of a sense of accountability. I know some people aren't really into the whole new years resolutions thing and that's okay. Why, they ask themselves,  would you need a new year to make your life better? I agree with that point of view because we don't need a new year to be conscious of our lives and the fact that we can start being a healthier, more peaceful and grounded at any date in the year. However,  I also believe in the power of  "starting over" -"clean slate"- a specific time in which you can sit down and think about your life and make some goals. And that is exactly what I'm doing right now. I hope this encourages you to do the same. It is so important in this life to evaluate our lives and ask questions about what we are doing, how we're doing it and what is important to us.

1.- I am going to make time in my day to stand  in awe of God. I want to set time aside to just sit in wonder and LISTEN to what God has to say to me. I am going to delve deeper in my study of the Bible and try to understand what God has planned for me this year. I am going to treat every bad situation that 2012 might bring as an opportunity to grow deeper in my faith and be a great example of a good Christian.

2.- I am going to make time to spend with my husband. I am going to make sure that I'm showing him the unconditional  respect he needs with out expecting anything back. I am going to find ways to express how much he means to me. I will find activities that draw us closer together. I am going to make him understand why I'm so proud to be married to him and make him know that he is a great man that I am so blessed to have a life with him. I am going to pray with him and for him. I will stay saucy for him!

3.- I am going to pray about mine and my husbands parenting skills, asking God to help us through the rough terrain up ahead with our daughters "terrible twos"! I am going to enjoy being a mommy first and foremost, and not let the "little" things bother me as much. I am going to allow my little pumpkin to be a kid and play and love on her every day I get a chance to. I will pray that I can be a good example for her to follow.

4.-  I am going to pray for my love of others. I am going to pray that I can love and see people the way God  sees, and loves them. I am going to pray for anyone that makes me upset, mad, crazy, angry, and any bad feelings that I've missed mentioning. I am going to cultivate my relationships with my family and my friends.

5.- I will find ways I can help others in need. I will pray that God opens doors where I can suffice a need.

6.- I will honor God with my body with exercise and eating healthy foods that support my training. I will pray for God to fulfill any "void" that I feel, instead of filling it with either food, shopping or being super "busy", I will ask God to help me and fill me with his joy.

These are my resolutions for 2012. I hope that you can pray for me as I'm praying for all of your guys' years to be full of peace and joy.

Live with no regrets this year. We can do that by being aware that life on earth is fragile and can end at any moment. You or I can die right this very second. Our life can end today!When I sat and though about  my mortality and TRULY understood it (about a week ago) I decided to not take another day for granted.
 Live each day with purpose and think of what's important to you. Don't throw today away!

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

I Want To Be Like Audrey Hepburn

Did you know that Audrey Hepburn had a crooked tooth?! Neither did I! Why is that at all interesting you ask?Well.. I have a crooked tooth and for the better part of my existence I've plotted how I'm going to make it straight. I try pulling on it. Wishing on a star. I have even considered having dental work recently. I look in the mirror constantly and analyze its positioning and wish for it to grow (for it's a little baby tooth, didn't quite grow as all my other teeth did) and wished for it to get straight. I look at my teeth and think, man, if this ONE tooth was straight, my teeth would be perfect. But that's not where I stop when it comes to my insecurities. If only I had this person's legs, I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a rabbit... Oh wait never mind, just got caught up in my head. Any who, you get the point. I'm constantly picking on myself and the "flaws" that I see in me. Focusing my energy on something so negative that little by little I destroy my spirit and make myself  feel worthless.

How does this all tie in to Audrey? Well I've always loved her for so many reasons. She was fashionable, beautiful and a famous movie star. This is why I bought a coffee table book with a butt load of pictures of her to give as a Christmas present to my aunt Sharon. As I was flipping through the pages, there were many many pictures I had never seen. One in specific revealed. HER crooked tooth.  Did it change the way I saw her? NO, it made me fall in love with her even more. She's an Icon of a woman, thought by millions as one of the most beautiful women in the world and here she had a flaw. WOW. That goes to show that we are many times our worst enemies. We look at ourselves with such a critical eye. God sees us so differently and I am sure it pains him to see how judgmental we are of ourselves. As I flipped further down the book, I saw pictures of Audrey as an older woman hanging out with kids in Africa (she was a huge humanitarian devoting much of her life to UNICEF helping children in need!). She looked even more beautiful to me in those pictures where she had clearly aged than in any other picture I've ever seen of her. Her eyes were so loving and joyful. That kind of beauty only comes from the inside of someone's soul!

If I were to write a list of all the blessings that God has given me, it would super-exceed any list of "flaws". I KNOW this but some days it's just such a difficult concept to grasp. God made me exactly the way he made me for a reason. I should not be rude and Judgy McJudgerson to the creation He so carefully crafted.

Everyone is insecure about something. However, the more aware we are of the fact that our "looks" are only going to go so far, the more at peace we shall be in this world. The only way I can ever be at peace with who I am, is knowing that I was created for a purpose. There is a difference between wanting to have a healthy body, playing with makeup or loving fashion and obsessing with the physical appearance that we have. If you're always wanting to change something about yourself, it's never going to end at that little nip and tuck. You're always going to want more because you're going to be chasing an image that is different than the one you INTENDED to have in the first place.

It is by no means way easier said than done folks. I somehow believe that the more accepting of each other we are the better we'll get at accepting ourselves. We are all in need of one another. So go on. Love on who ever is next to you right now and tell them all the wonderful things you think about them! And YOU write down a list of all the wonderful things you think and feel about yourself. You'll see that you are a flawed perfect package!

I Went Clubbing Last Night

One of the things that makes me most excited in this life is dancing. I constantly have dance parties with my toddler. I am NOT going to lie, we get down! We get down so much that she likes to go on the coffee table and dance on top so she can keep sort of eye level with me. We have dance parties almost every day. The other day we danced for thirty minutes! Wowza! I would never think a toddler would want to dance for a whole thirty minutes (now when I say dance, I do mean bouncing up and down with her little legs and just moving her rump, soooometimes she'll throw in a spin or a shoulder move. I know, very fancy)! I do these dance parties because I LOVE to dance. I don't remember the last time I was at a club... wait maybe I do, it was circa 2009, November to be exact. Just a few days before finding out I was growing a tinny little alien looking gummy bear in my belly. Of course once you have a baby you don't think, "Oh today, I think I am going clubbing". Hahaha, that thought never crossed my mind! But deep down inside the passion for dance is there, thus the amazing dance parties with my baby girl.

Last night I went clubbing. Not only does that feel silly to say because I'm almost thirty, but it's even sillier that I went to an over 18 gay club. And not just ANY club. I went to a club that I myself attended, almost every weekend, circa 2004 with some of my favorite friends. The ONLY reason I went yesterday, was to celebrate my nieces birthday. Her and her friends wanted to go out dancing but they are not 21 yet, thus going to this particular place. I was honored that she thought her old lady aunt would be hip enough to go out dancing with all of her friends, so I could not deny the invitation. As I walked into the club, I was filled with thousands of memories of the " ARC company dance days". As I danced my little tush off, I couldn't help but feel so proud of my friends that I once had the honor of sharing the dance floor with. I'm a completely different person now than who I was way back when and to know that those friends have loved me ever since then, gave me chills and warmed my heart.

Same place, different perspective in life. How cool is that. As I dance with these teens/early twenty something people, all I could think of was, I really hope they get to have wonderful memories and wonderful friendships as I have.

In life, we can't ever chose our family (we need to honor them because they are a gift from God in-spite of how irritating they might seem at times). However, we can choose our friends. Our friends are going to love us, encourage us, tell us we're smoking crack when we do something stupid. Our friends help us find ourselves in this big,big world. God places the friends He thinks are going to help us grow and become a better person in life. These are friendships that can last a lifetime if you work hard at it. Even friendships take  work. But worth every effort.

I say today you take the time to tell your friends how much you freakin' love them. Even when they make you mad, your fiends are always going to know who you are, where you've been and what box you've danced on at the CLUB.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!!!

Stand In Awe!

Today I wanted to just sit outside and look up to the sky and just be. Just sit there and feel how amazing this life is when I allow for silence and peace. I wanted to turn off the i-phone and just concentrate on one thing. But of course, my want was pushed off by "life"-a makeup session I was running late to, a crying baby wanting food and mommy, and the fact that I had to throw the 'diaper genie smelly cargo' away in the big trash can. I put my baby girl in a safe place and ran outside to throw out the trash and in that moment my body just froze, even though I was in a big fat hurry and my mind wanted to just throw out the trash and jet out, I couldn't! I looked up to the heavens and the beautiful picture that God was painting for me in the midst of the amazingly smelling trash bins crossed with that fresh morning air, yumm-O!

 I stood there for what seemed like an hour, (in reality it was only probably about 3 whole minutes). Alas, in that time I felt the warmth of the sun beaming on my face- I smelled the crisp air of the morning- I heard the beautiful sound of the birds singing me a song written specially for me- I looked at one of the most beautiful pictures I have seen in a long time. Fall colors displayed in all their glorious-ness. Yellow, vibrant orange and brown leaves on an amazing tree in my neighbors yard, paired with the blue sky and the clouds. I took thousands of snapshots of this picture in my mind so I would never forget it. I let the world pass me by for three whole minutes and I thought nothing, I said nothing, I did nothing. I have been wanting to enjoy more of what God has created for me and wanted to try to slow my roll a bit so as to enjoy being in silence. I want it but it's very difficult to happen when I get all wrapped up in the "things" that I need to do. I was grateful for that force pulling me to stay and just be in awe. I am looking forward to being able to set aside time to be able to just sit in awe more often.

What I took from this mini-three minute vacation, was that I CAN have that and I'm sure I'd probably be more at peace on a daily basis if I were to allow myself these moments.

Today look around for the beauty of the world. You can find it in the midst of a smelly trash bin, trust me, I know!

Stay blessed and stay saucy ya'll!!!

In Life-How Do You Want To Live?

In life, if you do nothing, no one will ever criticize you or make fun of you. You might not have to endure any hardships, you won't be ridiculed, or bullied. If you have no opinions or ambitions you might live a very "peaceful" life where the world just seems to revolve around you. In life, if you have nothing to live for, there is nothing to lose. If you don't fight with anyone, there is no saying sorry or having to apologize. If you live your life for yourself, things are so much easier. If you don't make any goals, you can't ever let yourself down (or anyone else for that matter). If you don't dream there is no chance of ever getting hurt.  In life, when you play it safe you're the kid without any bandages on your knees. When you don't make any strides at a better life for yourself you always know what to expect. There is nothing that can go wrong? Right?


In life, when you do something, many people (especially the trolls from the paragraph above) WILL make fun of you, bully you, tear you down. If you have an opinion or ambition you will enter a world where you have to defend your point of view at all cost, you will have to find peace INSIDE yourself because peace will not be a constant in the world around you. You will see yourself as a part of life revolving around the universe and thinking of others. If you have something to live for, there's so much you can lose. If you fight for your relationships and for what you believe in (and I certainly do not mean beating someone up to think the way you do, that's the opposite of what I mean) you live a life of ups and downs, you have to put your "pride" aside and say sorry when it's due. If you make goals, you might let yourself down many times and have to pick yourself back up. If you dream, there is a huge chance that at some point your heart will be so broken, you'll need some crazy glue to put it back together. In life, when you go outside of your comfort zone and face your fears, you're the kid that has a bright yellow cast with a thousand signatures. When you're self reflecting and you're always trying to better your soul, there will always be times of uncertainty and fear. But you will eventually ALWAYS find your way, God will help you find your way. 


Which of these two ways do you want to live your life?


Stay blessed and stay saucy!

Get Off the Couch and Become Somebody

This week I’ve been thinking about why we as a society love to watch movies such as Rocky or Rudy. Or how come we love to hear about Inspirational stories that overcome all adversity, be it in the news or on Oprah .  I've been giving a lot of thought not only to why we like hearing about these stories, but also about what it takes to BE that person that overcomes life’s challenges and becomes the hero .Or what it takes to be the kind of person that is able to be THE BEST at what they do. 


What makes people excel at things and train so vigorously that the win the GOLD medal in the Olympics? What is that X-factor that those people have that I don’t?  WE love to watch and hear about stories that beat all adversity because WE wish that for ourselves. We want to be the ones beating that temptation of eating a Twinky  to be in the best shape of our life. We want to be that person to run 3 miles every day in order to run a half marathon. We want to be the person who can do it all;  a parent/partner/excellent employee/son/daughter/ friend/ neighbor/Jimmy-Bob Stud.  But more often than not we get caught up in the "busy" part of THINKING about what we want to achieve and planning to do so.  That we forget to get started and make up our minds of the goals we wish to achieve. We set up for failure because rather than just making up our mind that we are going to do something and actually doing it! Instead, we dwell on the start-up process because it's easier to always be "planning" something, rather than DOING something and failing at it.  We think of this brilliant idea that will for sure make us a better person, but the problem is that by the third day we've let it go to because the going got tough. So we start "planning" the next thing we’re going to do to become that perfect human being that we all so longingly desire.


 I say this is all just bologna!  I know that if we just make up our minds of what we want to do, we can do it. It’s too simple for us to comprehend at times. We want attaining success to be this profound hidden treasure that only a few lucky souls get to find, while the rest of us are left out to just watch it on our television . Well I say that it’s the time for all of us to stop making excuses for what we can’t do and start thinking of what we can do. The mind is a powerful tool that can be taken for granted. Sometimes its easier to blame our circumstances, or our parents or  our blah blah blah.  That technique is a whole lot easier because its scary to think that our lives are a manifestation of what we REALLY want for ourselves and what we think about ourselves. It is the hardest thing to do as a human being to look with-in and comprehend that your life sucks because you are choosing it to suck. Or that you are allowing people or things to dictate your joy. Its so much easier to point the finger because then we don’t have responsibility for our choices and the way we react to our circumstances.  To have responsibility is to have the ABILITY TO RESPOND to any situation as you see fit. That means that you have the ability to respond positively  to any circumstance and rise above adversity. Don’t let anyone dictate your joy. Not now, not ever.  Make it a good life! Meditate on what your passion in life is and tell yourself that you can go for it. If it's your passion then it's in YOU for a REASON!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! 


Stay Blessed and Stay Saucy! 

FAITH

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about what having FAITH means to me. With my father going into surgery next Monday, I’ve been trying to strengthen my faith. In searching for it on a very rainy day, I was brought back to last August when I went on a market trip to Ohio to visit my stations and learned a wonderful lesson about Faith.

It was a wonderful time of traveling some place new and meeting good people! It was 530AM and I had to drive from Cleveland to Dayton in my little rental car, in the mercy of Aunt Jemima (that’s what I named my navigation system). It was an especially foggy morning and I could barely see the road ahead, but I plugged away out of Cleveland and into the un-treaded territory. It was a nice drive until I got 40 minutes away from my destination, unexpectedly the sky literally got dark in a matter of seconds and the most torrential down pour started to hit my windshield. I stiffened every muscle in my body and a wave of panic washed over me. I could not see anything but my wipers going the maximum speed. My hands were moistened as I griped the wheel and I just keep praying for my faith to be restored and to not have this fear of not knowing where I was and being caught in a terrible storm. I turned the radio to get a bit of a distraction and all I got was static, frantically I pushed the scan button to get a better station… nothing ,static. Finally a station with clarity was on and they were singing a song about nothing other than, FAITH! I felt a sudden wave of relief, suddenly I felt a bit stronger. About a minute after I got stronger, I started sweating of nervousness again due to the fact that I could not see anything on the road. I had no idea if I was on track or if I was going to drive off the road. Panic was settled in ,nicely buckled in the passenger’s seat. About a dozen prayers later, a Wonder Bread Semi merged right in front of me! I thought, “Oh Thank God”, I can now follow Him and I’ll be fine, I put all my focus on the wonder of it all, and just stared straight ahead at the red hearts on the back of the semi. I got stronger! I had a little more FAITH that I was going to be alright. I keep praying for the storm to be over , over and over , and over again but my prayers were going unanswered. .. it wasn’t over BUT I knew I must have been praying for the wrong thing because I had faith my prayers would be answered if they were the right ones.

Now that I had a guide through the storm I started thinking what it meant for me to have FAITH. I realized that the “storm” I was going through was similar to when things are going wrong in life. You can’t stop the storm, you have to have FAITH that you will get through it! I was praying for the storm to stop, when I should have been praying for the FAITH to get through it all! Once I realized that, I quit praying for the storm to stop and I thanked God for my FAITH. I kid you not the minute I did that (the following is not writers embellishment, I promise), the storm stopped and it was like out of a movie. the clouds parted and it became the most beautiful day! I could not believe that all I had to do was pray for my FAITH to become greater than my fear. We are all faced with different circumstances in life that are scary. But when we stop to think that we have the ability to exercise our faith in those times to get stronger and stronger, and know we're not in it alone, it provides a peace unlike anything else. And as more and more “storms” come your way you can withstand a lot more. I hope that if you are going through a storm in your life, that you take a moment to thank God for it and let Him bring you closer to Him. Let Him show you the promise of Heaven. This is not our world.

Know that you are taken care of and that when you have God, you don’t need anything else.