Save Your Relationship

     


I've been happily married for over three years now and my marriage is an amazing roller-coaster. Sometimes we are completely head-over-heals for each other and sometimes.... sometimes let's just say, it takes every ounce of my being not to Karate chop him in the throat! So many times I've wondered why oh why is my husband not giving me the love that I deserve!? And then we bought a book called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs and I was able to understand 100% what was standing in the way of the love that I was yearning for. I'm not trying to have this act as cliff-notes for the book, I completely know I wouldn't do it justice, BUT I will give you the lib-notes. What I got out of the book per-say. Are you ready?

• Men and women are different (No duh)
• Men hear in blue and women in pink (thus we can say one thing and have two meanings behind it)
• Women love to love and love LOVE love to GET love. Men not so much concerned about the love thing-Here's where it get's INTERESTING... (MEN NEED AND WANT YOUR RESPECT!) SHAZAMMMMM! 
• There is a crazy cycle- If the woman doesn't get love then it's hard for her to give her hubby respect, and if the husband doesn't feel respected, it's difficult for him to display love.
• Don't fret, there is also something called the "Energizing Cycle"- With love she treats him with respect and with respect he treats HER with love. How'bout that!?

   I've been missing this concept my entire life, and now that I see it as plain as day it makes total sense! And trust me when I tell you that it has already saved Doug and I from some, pull your hair, I'm going to go get my nunchucks I'll be right back kind of fights! The catch though IS that someone always has to be the better person EVEN when they aren't getting what they "deserve". So for example one day we were having a heated discussion (well we were fighting, I just like the sounds of the other better). And I was able to not care about the fact that he was being unloving and asked him a very important question. "Honey what did I do that made you feel disrespected?"  Ohhhh my gosh! Boy oh boy do I wish I could do that every time. He told me why he felt like I was being rude to him and it all boiled down to miscommunication. And the argument was over faster than I could say ninja. But had I not had the courtesy to put my feelings aside for a minute to ask him the question, I would have been all mad and angry. Things would of just gotten out of control and before we know it we would have been fighting about something completely different five hours later.  

Since then there have been times when he's had to be the better person, and it makes me feel so loved when he gets interested in what I'm feeling. When he gives me unconditional love, it really MAKES me want to be respectful and loving to him. Try this little method out. And by respect I do NOT mean, be a doormat and never raise any questions or bring anything up for the sake of not arguing. I mean be respectful in the way you treat your man and enjoy all the beautiful LOVE that you'll get from him! 

Women, trust me. If you have a husband or boyfriend who isn't treating you with the love that you deserve, give him that unconditional respect he needs. Be enamored by him and praise him for the man that he is. Remind him that you are not sickened by the person he's become.  Make him feel like you feel PROUD to be his woman and you'll be dumbfounded by how he will in-turn treat YOU. 

Men, trust me. If you have a wife or girlfriend who doesn't treat you with the honor and respect that you crave, give her unconditional love. Don't think that everything she says is to piss you off, or to make you miserable. She is just saying "I'm not feeling loved right now, please love me!"  If you seek to understand HER and in everything make it known that you love who she is, she WILL respect who you are! 

I know it's very difficult to be in a relationship sometimes. BUT it can be done.  To the point that you end up having an intimate relationship that no earthly thing can break.  

Stay blessed and stay saucy everyone!!