The Christmas Spirit

In August I decided to go on a year commitment to not buy what I don't need. I was doing fantastic until November when my birthday came and I got a few presents. Oh boy the joy of getting gifts was just so nice. I felt like I hadn't had something nice in a really long time, however it had only been two months in reality that I probably hadn't bought any new item of clothing or such. I felt like a shark with blood floating around me. The feeling of "I want THAT, I NEED that, I GOTTA HAVE that." was upon me. It hasn't made things better that Christmas is just around the corner and stores are so aggressive in their amazing deals and marketing. "This store is having a great sale",  I would say. "This arm hair extractor with a built in waffle maker is never going to be on sale, EVER again!  The feeling of a bottomless pit has settled quite nicely in my soul. That is exactly what I was trying to alleviate myself from by doing this year challenge of not buying what I don't need. To be content with what I have. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with buying something nice for your self. However, if it comes in between you and God, we have a problem. I have struggled with the feeling of never having enough for a long time. Any time I am not in the word of God (the Bible) or giving myself time to pray and meditate on God I get super squirrelly. I get this anxious feeling and I am never satisfied. No matter how much I think either buying stuff will fulfill me, or eating stuff (this is my other struggle in life!) will fulfill me. All these feelings came to a halt when anxiety came upon me when I didn't have "enough" Christmas decorations up at my house. SERIOUSLY?  What is Christmas about anyway?!

The world we live in is so distracting and sneaky at robbing us from true peace and joy. All of the distractions of this life take away from what Christ really wants us to experience this Christmas season AND ALWAYS. His UNFALING love and his indescribable peace. I don't need decorations to have the Christmas spirit in me because Christmas should be about rejoicing that Christ was born. If I want to have that "Christmas Spirit", or just peace through out the year, all I have to do is spend more time with God. Material things are nice, but not when they make me feel the opposite of what living a life free in Christ feels. The few times in my life that I've really devoted myself to truly seeking God more than anything in this world;have been some of the most inexplicably joyful, peaceful and fulfilling moments of my life. To think that everyone that seeks God and his peace can have it is amazing to me. We can have it every single day of our lives if we wanted it! But we are only human, and that's okay.  He understands how difficult it is for us, and that is comforting. It is so difficult because there are a million distractions in this world. 

Consider this passage. 7 "But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. Philippians" 3:7  

When we finally get a taste of God's peace, our souls can't settle on the garbage that is of this world. I keep running back to Him even if I fail him over and over and over again. He will NEVER fail me. Or YOU if you let Him! 

Stay blessed and stay saucy! And a very Merry Christmas to you! 

-Libier 

Down in the Dumps

                 

              I'm going through a really tough time right now. Everything is really coming together to form one big pile of poop if you ask me. My Aunt Sharon just passed away. My mom is far far away and I won't get to see her in a long time. I was in the ER last Friday and now I have to have a colonoscopy to figure out what's wrong with me. My friends are having issues of their own. I have a three year old and a four month old and I'm trying to figure out how to be a mommy of two. My daughter's pediatrician told me she's too "little" since she's in the 0 percentile and is basically telling me I am not feeding her enough, even though she is healthy, happy and hitting all her milestones.  It seems like I'm getting a cold, and oh I just stubbed my big'ol toe. Just kidding, the last one is the only one that's not for real real. I probably sound like a whinny little sinner to you. However, all these things are actual stresses in my life that are affecting me in a very real way. I can also sit here and type out the million things I am blessed with, because I am; But that's not the point of this post.

               The point of this post is to uplift anyone who feels like the walls are caving in, FOR WHAT EVER REASON. We live in a world that promotes self reliance, ALL time pleasure, ALL time happiness, ALL time SELF. It  is impossible to have those things at all times. That's why we keep searching.. We are all walking around pretending like we have it all together putting up a facade of perfectness to our neighbor. When someone is going through a tough time we say, "Don't worry it's going to be okay" ...... " I can tell you a WAY worse story than that and I lived through it. You'll be fine." ..... "What did you do to deserve this?"..... All the while when something is happening to us we wonder why no one understands us, why we feel so alone. I say we start by being real with one another, realizing that we are all broken one way or another. We ALL have shortcomings. And more importantly we are all hardwired with feelings for a reason. TO FEEL THEM. If we walk around all day pretending we are perfect and minimizing our own pain and the pain of others we are damaging a beautiful connection with our brothers and sisters of this world. We can all look put together, pretend that hard circumstances don't shake us, that we make ourselves happy and we can stand alone; but that's why everyone is going home and secretly living out their depression. For the most part alone. God didn't create us to be alone.

           God wants us have feelings and to love one another. What ever you are going through today, this week, this year. If you have a hardship, it matters.  It matters to God. I hope that you can start by not minimizing your own pain. It hurts because it matters to you and that's okay. With God it is possible to be in a dark place because He's got more light than you can ever imagine. If you come to God with your hurts He will heal them in time. Don't rush the process. as long as it's in prayer God will deliver you in His timing. Second I hope that if you read this you can know that when someone you love is going through a tough time even if you don't know what to do or what to say, the safest bet is emulating your loved one's feelings. Make them feel like you care by saying, yes this really sucks! Give people a chance to mourn what ever needs mourning.

          Even though I'm going through an incredibly difficult time in my life right now, God has been so faithful in sprinkling in so many blessings through out my days. But more importantly I've come to know Him better, I've learned how to be compassionate (let's hope I remember next time someone needs my help!)  and I've been able to exercise my FAITH muscle which can only be exercised when going through a tough time. I am no more going to have faith if I have an easy life, than a toddler will eat his spinach while staring at a chocolate cake. Unless they hate chocolate....  but you get the point. I can say that I have all the faith in the world, until I am tested, then somehow the majority goes out the window and I am humbled and can be real with myself and God. Be real. Be true. Just be you, you have no one to impress but God and he already loves and accepts you more than you can ever fathom.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

My Pride

           

 I want to share with you what God has been doing in my heart these past couple of months, because it's been one wild ride! Let's go to a time where I wasn't being very diligent about reading my bible or making time for God in my life. I tell you,  this discipline of making time for God does NOT come easy to me. In fact. it's harder and harder the longer I go with out opening my bible or sitting alone with God in prayer and thanksgiving. I need you to know however, that I have ONLY recently started reading the bible. I have been walking with God for 7 years but until recently I finally heard His message nice and clear that if I didn't pick up my bible and started now listening to what He had to say, He was going to come down on me and it wasn't going to be pretty. God has been so gentle with me in revealing only what I can handle. But I was over due for a kick in the shins so I would come to hear His word. 

I was six months pregnant with my second daughter, I had just finished filming an independent film where I played a karate Heroine that saved little girls from being sold into human trafficking (Click here if you want to see the trailer).  My husband and I were in the midst of remodeling our new home. I was feeling on top of the world because I was in my second trimester of pregnancy and I was comfortable. I was so not on fire for God at the time.  My relationship with Him had gone from being so close to Him and reading my devotionals every morning, to prayers at meal time and rehearsed prayers sprinkled in when it was convenient. I was consumed by myself and all the wonderful things I had going on. THEN BAM! I got a hernia on my pelvic area. Cool! I made light of it by naming it Henry the Hernia. But to tell you the truth, I've never been in so much pain in my life. I went from going to the gym 6 days a week, to not being able to work out at all. Or even hold my 2 year old. I was Mrs. busy body and Henry the Hernia took me into daily submission to my couch and my home. Every sermon I heard reminded me of  Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". Every loved one reminded me to take it easy. I, like the pregnant- ninja- rebel that I was did the OPPOSITE of that. I by the hairs on my chinny chin chin moved a little wimpy seat from the living room to a bedroom and that's where God met me. I hurt myself so badly that I cried out to God. Why is it that God gives me so many blessings and I forget to want to have a relationship with Him UNTIL I get handed a difficult situation. Then I run back like a sad little puppy giving my master the big sorry eyes saying "Look at how cute I am, please help me!" However, God is patient and he is Faithful. So He tries again with me. The message kept coming on, BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I continued to ignore the message. Until I finally surrendered myself to Him.

I finally stopped going about like I was the boss of something and let God tell me what He needed me to do. I kept thinking that He just wanted me to not do ANYTHING and just wait to hear a deep voice from above. Well I tried but that never happened. God speaks to us daily but our own pride and sin keeps us from really hearing what He has to say.  I started seeking Him by reading my bible or listening to sermons on- line. Finally I did listen to a sermon that explained what it means to be still and know that He is God. What God had wanted to tell me all along wasn't to stop doing all the activities in my life. But to acknowledge that He is my boss. To be respectful to Him by making time for Him. Here is where I fall in love with Him more though. NOT for HIS benefit, but for MINE. When I allow God to be God and give in to that beautiful relationship He so longingly wants and I so intensely NEED, I am the one that benefits most because He is God and well, I am just me. I don't know why He loves me, I sometimes don't even know why He forgives me. But He does. And His promises are good. For ANY one who cares to listen and obey Him. I was healed from a huge stronghold in my life at this time of having to submit unwillingly because of my Hernia. God used my unfortunate circumstance to heal me in a way that I am forever grateful. Think of what he can do for you.

God taught me that my prideful attitude is something He can not work with. Daily we're working on destroying that monster inside of me that only fuels other sins. I even thought I was a humble person before this season of chastisement in my life. Humble!? I think NOT. But that's okay, I'm working on it and that is all I can do.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!