She Stole My Necklace

One thing I hate in parenting is having to discipline my children. I. Hate. It. I would rather be having fun with my children. BUT I am their mother and God is calling me to be a godly mother that will think and pray heavenward about all my parenting choices. Discipline is a good thing when done in prayer and in love.  The Holy Spirit is always willing to help me parent my children.  I've learned that in every situation I have to discipline, there is a beautiful opportunity to show God's love and point my children toward his grace.  

This morning was my four year olds Thanksgiving presentation at her school. Of course we all had to get ready a little more than usual. so there was a very Chirst like sense of chaos and urgency in our home. I like to be sacrasctic, can't you tell? I was frantically looking for my necklace I had left on my vanity and I could not find it. I called Maddy into my room and asked her if she had seen it and she said she hadn't. We have had such a history with her breaking my jewelry, her and I, that I did not believe her for a moment.  I told her to please tell me the truth and she did. She took the necklace and now can't find it anywhere. I serious to goodness was so dissapointed. I was mad and I wanted to just yell at her. This will be about the fifth thing she's either broken or misplced. I have had problems with my anger and all I kept thinking was, "In your anger, do not sin". I cooled down and told her I needed a moment to think and pray. That I was upset at her choice. We got in the car and she wanted to talk to me and I told her I couldn't. 

As we drove to school I could feel her shame. I could feel the way she felt. So ashamed and sad at the bad choice she had made. To have failed once again. As I had some quiet to pray and think I felt the Holy Spirit remind me of how many times my father in Heaven has forgiven me. And how many more times he'll have to. How he's never said to me. "I am too mad to talk to you right now."  I knew my little girl would probably have a terrible day and a horrible time on the stage trying to sing if I didn't talk to her and remind her of my love for her and God's love for her. This is what I said to her before we got out of the car to drop her off. 

"Honey I know that you feel badly for taking mommy's necklace. I am very disapointed in the choice that you made. And there will be a consequece for your choice when we get home. However, I want to talk to you about Jesus and his grace right now. I am like you. Just a little older... (I know, I know but she doesn't have to know how old I am just yet) I too make bad choices and if I come with a sincere heart toward Jesus and ask for his forgiveness, he will graciously give it to me. And his love for me will never end. And neither will his love for you EVER end and neither will mine. I need you to know that there are consequinces for all th choices that you make. You are loved and you will be forgiven. I can only hope that next time when you are tempted to take another necklace you will pick the better choice. You are a great kid and I love you and this doesn't take away from the other good choices you have made. I want you to go to shcool and to go on stage knowing you are loved." 

She was so happy and no longer had that shame on her beatifulul little face. Once we got home she paid the consequence I had for her.  She came to me and said. "Mommy after my 'consquequence' can I come say I'm sorry to you?" with little tears in her eyes. I said, "Of course you can." It gives me joy to think that at four she already has such a beaitful heart. 

I asked God to help me not to make her feel afraid to tell me the truth, I asked God to help me point her to Him, and I asked him to help me figure out a discipline that was lasting and not just momentarly effective. I also asked God to help me convey to this precious four year old that she is WAY more important than a necklace to me and that making good choices is better  because it makes our hearts full of peace and joy. I asked God to help me love her even when I didn't feel loving toward her because I was mad. I do feel like he answered my prayer. 

I pray for you and your parenting too. If you're having a hard time my heart goes out to you.I KNOW it's not easy. But all is possible with God almighty! So cling on to his hand for he is one mightly and powerful God! 

-Stay blessed and stay saucy

Libier 

And They Said I Couldn't Garden

I have a black thumb.  There, I said it. I think I bring my family disgrace by such wretched and awful gardening skills. I was tempted to take a picture of the recent flower that died on me for you guys to fully understand the way that I am capable of killing plants. But I spared your eyeballs. You. Are. Welcome. 

We have a flower box that I begged my husband for below our window that faces the street. I envisioned red beautiful flowers thriving in all their glory. I asked for the budget to purchase those flowers and my husband said I better buy them some place that can return them in case they died. He knows me all too well. I told him to give me a year and if I killed them I would just buy fake ones and never bother with buying any living organism ever again.  He came in one day from the yard and tells me "honey your plant out back... [I looked at him as he caught my attention] .."IT'S thriving!" If you couldn't tell by the capitalized AND italicized word, he was smiling with sarcasm. Just as that plant had died a terrible death, so did my red geraniums in my planter box.  Mind you, I asked for plants that you couldn't kill. Oh these are resilient they said, you won't kill these, they said...  They hadn't even made it half the year and they all looked dead and so sad. SO I returned them and got fake ones. I did however manage to not fully kill two little bundles. So I thought I would plant them in my "once thriving with plants that I also killed round spot" for the longest time nothing was happening. All I saw were green leaves. That's a good sing though. Anything not brown in plants is good right? So I left them. Doug kept threatening me to rip them out, to replace them with a tree but I kept asking him to give them a chance. 

A few weeks ago as I pulled in my driveway a bright red color caught my eye! MY FLOWERS BLOOMED! My four year old got so excited with me she tells her dad, "Daddy mommy's garden is so beautiful". Ahhhhh bless the hearts of little children. So we named the flower FAITH. I am happy to report that because God has sent in some rain (because I have forgotten to water the thing) FAITH the geranium, has multiple buds of flowers and she is beautiful. Not only has she endured all sorts of adversity (ANY plant that can withstand my black thumb is a resilient survivor. ) But she in comparison to my FAKE plants now residing on my window box- looks stunning. Those fake plants do not hold a candle to her TRUE colors and spirit. Even though she doesn't look perfect, even though some of her leaves have holes in them, EVEN though some of her flowers are a little dried out, her beauty so radiates from the inside and has truth and life ringing through her that all of the other "perfect" looking flowers are left in the background and all I want to look at every time I pull in, is her. I know she didn't do it on her own. God has helped her and strengthened her. If he has done that for her what more can he do for us? 

Now something else that blessed my heart so much here is that the other day I went up to look at FAITH the geranium and to my surprise the plant that I for sure thought was dead next to her is now full of little buds that will flower in a few days. FAITH inspired her friend to bloom for herself! What an image. I hope to God that you are following my crazy mind here. When we abide in God and we allow him to help us have fruit, we inspire those around us to trust him to do the same for them. I hope that if you're feeling today that you are that flower on it's last days hanging by a thread, you've been beat up, you've endured your own version of my black thumb. I pray and hope that you hang on. That you ask God for his help and that you abide in his word and watch to see if he doesn't grow some amazing flowers in your heart.  He is willing and he is able! Bloom on lover muffins! 

Here's a picture of my FAITH and the fakies. Look for yourself, which flower would you rather be? 

Stay blessed and stay saucy! 

-Libier

Healing In The Pain

If I can be honest with ya'll I've been going through one of the most excruciatingly painful times of my life. It has been a very difficult season in my life and my families as well. When momma ain't happy ain't no body happy, has been a true and tried motto in this house. I've asked that God's grace would cover much of the crazy mood swings I've been having and I know that his grace HAS covered so much of my shortcomings this past year. 

I am going through a healing time with God. He has called me to the wilderness with him and we are sitting in a very dark, very painful and uncomfortable place Him and I. Before I started reading my bible a lot more consistetnly I didn't know that there was much of my life that needed to be changed. I think I was living in a safe reality that I had so carefuly created for myself. I was safe. I pretended to myself that I  was "content" with my place in life and I wasn't going to take many risks. As long as my little world spinned my way, I was fine. I did so much to try to control my life and that of my husband and kids, in order to not feel out of control.  But to be honest it was getting to be too exhausting and I could tell something was wrong, I just coudln't tell you what the heck the matter WAS. I was trying to fix things as they poped up instead of going to the root of my issues. 

I knew before I started reading my bibile that I had many flaws. I knew that. But I didn't know that God wanted to help me shed some of the things that were hindering me from knowing him better and from living a life full of adventure, joy and peace. FREEDOM was something I thought I had, until now. I KNOW God is setting me free as we speak. It wasn't until I was honest with myself and with God about the state of my heart that the healing began.  I didn't trust God. I wasn't free and I didn't show many signs of the fruit of His spirit. I knew I was being a hypocrite calling myself a Christian when the life I lead pointed the opposite direction. 

As I am healing, God keeps helping me understand each step when I am ready. Right now I am in the stage of acceptance. I am praying for God to help me have acceptance be the backbone of my healing. When I first learned that I had been sexualy abused I didn't want to belive the little girl inside me telling me there was something wrong. God exposed all the truth so it would set me free. It has been the most painful thing I've ever felt as a thrity year old woman to admit to herlsef that she has been badly hurt. But in accepting it, I have been able to experience peace.  I have been able to understand myself a little deeper and to KNOW that it was NOT my fault. It was not ME. THAT didn't come from me not matter how my body reacted. There has been an extreme change in my heart. I no longer feel angry all the time. God has allowed me to process my emotions in His loving arms. I struggle with anxiety and I have had more panic attacks than I'd like to admit. But through every one, the minute I allowed it to just be, the minute I surrendered ALL of my emotions to God; it was as if black tar was flowing from my heart outward into the His light and being changed into good energy instead of being stuck inside of me and coming out at non-welcomed times and places. I knew that if I didn't decide to heal with God on this, that it would eventually kill me. If it didn't kill me physically it would have mentally and emotionally. 

That is why I am trusting God to help me heal. But with healing, comes pain. I have been so badly hurt in my life that I am terrified of pain. The more I heal, the more accepting of pain I become. I welcome it because  I would rather be in pain and know peace and my savior than be pretending nothing is wrong and feeling hopeless, bitter and angry. There is healing in the pain. There is an end to the madness. My pain becomes energy to help someone else with their pain and my hope is that their pain will help someone else with their pain, and so on and so forth. I have learned that all of the things that happened to me have the opportunity to work for the good of me and other people. Genesis 50:20 Joseph said to his brothers. "You intended to hurt me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." I know that this is hard stuff to hear and to talk about. But the devil loves secrecy for that very reason. It isolates us and makes us feel like we're the only damaged one. That is a lie from the pit of hell! 

God has such a loving and compassionate heart he knows what we all have been through and he wants to heal us from all of our pain. In this life my pain may never go away completely. I know that I will remember the feeling I had when I started to heal, so I can empathise with another sister or brother of mine that has gone through the same thing. So that I can hold them tightly and tell them of how God has redeemed me and  that he will do the same for them. I actually don't want to forget. The people that have helped me the most in this trying time have been people that have also suffered pain and know how to give an encouraging hug and point me to Jesus. We will never have the ability to heal anyone in our lives, we have to realase them into the hands of Jesus;  but what we can do is what the bible instructs us to do which is "Mourn with those who mourn; rejoice with those who rejoice." Romans 12:15

I might be in pain right now but I am recovering. The one thing I won't do is give up. I heard Christine Caine say this today and I could not agree more. " The devil on his BEST day didn't take me out on MY WORST day." God has already won the fight. We need only to grasp his hand tighly and let Him help us embrace the pain of recovery. Because the devil will tell you that because you're in pain you are still not healed. NO FRIENDS! It's because we are healing that we feel pain. Praise God. 

By allowing God to help me heal the quality and amazingness of my life has doubled! I can now hold my head up high with the dignity that God provides me. I do believe that in heaven I will not experience any of this pain. And you won't either. 

 Stay blessed and stay saucy 

-Libier Reynolds 

I See YOUR Peanut

The other day I sat with my two girls and had a nice relaxing lunch.  Instead of eating on the go or standing up, I SAT DOWN (yes, Mommy you can sit down to eat from time to time). It was so very nice to sit and chat with my four year old and make annoying sounds to my one year old. I think I forget that Haylee is fully capable to understand me even when I don't talk to her like a little baby! As we sat and enjoyed our lunch I busted out my spicy peanuts that my dad gave me.  I really didn't want to share them because they are soooo yummy but that's when you know you've grown as s person and mommy. When you are willing to give your last bite or share something that you really really like with your children. Or husband or boyfriend or cat? Well nonetheless, as soon as the plastic crackled from my fingers starting to open the bag they KNEW I had something yummy.  Mind you at this point I'm still thinking I can "hide" the bag behind the cereal box and sneak them into my mouth without recognition. But NOPE.  Haylee starts nagging and signing for "more" and Maddy asks me to share with her. . So I share.  ONE peanut with Haylee first and Maddy looks at Haylee-looks at her peanut and then at me and says "momma, where's mine?" Mind you, I had already given her ONE peanut and it was RIGHT in front of her, but she was too busy looking at the sisters peanut and then complaining to me that I hadn't given her one to notice. WOW. What a teachable moment. For ME! 

I love when God disciplines me through me disciplining my children. It's quite hilarious. I understood him telling me that if I am caught up looking at someone else's peanut, I will never notice or enjoy my own. The act of coveting, comparison and complaint toward God are slipery slopes for me.  They trap me in a lie that I have not enough. I get stuck  in a paradigm of scarcity instead of one of plenty. When I am focusing on how God is blessing someone else and wishing I had that, I forget to look at the blessings right here in my life. I forget how BIG and loving God is and that he wants to bless me and has the capability to do so. But my attitude first needs to change. No matter what God gives me, if my attitude is one of ungratefulness and looking at the glass half empty, nothing he ever does for me will ever be enough. I want to re-wire my thinking. I want everyday to be a day of gratitude. I want to keep my eyes focused on my relationship with God and be grateful for what I already have. 

I hope you can focus on your peanuts with me! Together we can ALL eat our peanuts and enjoy that God has plenty for all of us. We serve a POWERFUL AND MIGHTY GOD! 

Go to LIBIERREYNOLDS.com for other ways to connect with me! Facebook, YouTube, Instagram.  

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

Love, Libier

What The Crotch!?

There are days in my life that are just perfect. Days that I feel so happy to be alive. You know that kind of joy and excitement that makes you all giddy and makes you want to pee your pants... Do you know what I'm talking about? No? Yeah, me either, I've never peed my pants or anything. Anyway! Those are days that I just want to hold on to so hard! And there are other days that I feel like nothing is going right. Somehow my children seem possessed by all kind of bad behaving demons and my face has a huge pimple that came out of nowhere, I feel bloated, somehow none of my clothes fit me. By the grace of God, I manage to get everyone in the car and feel somewhat successful  and then because I don't have clean hot beverage travel mugs  (this problem mind you, seems to only happen when I'm having an off day) my coffee spills onto my crotch. Have you had a day like this? Yeah I'm sure everyone has different circumstances but "good days" vs. "bad days" nonetheless.

I find that on that awful day there is something brewing in my heart that is trying to come out and I'm not allowing it. Somehow, if I dismiss my heart telling me that there is an issue I have to address, I end up having the "bad" day. My circumstances don't change much from day to day but my attitude and my perception of my day do. Especially if there is unresolved conflict in my inner wo(man). Paul the apostle said "I have learned the secret of being content in ANY and EVERY situation." Philippians 4:12 Now Paul wasn't saying this while enjoying a cup of joe like I get to (even if it HAS burned my crotch). He had endured so much for the sake of his faith. However, how can I make my theology become my reality through Paul's beautiful example? I take these two things from this.  

1- No matter what I am going though, if it's difficult for ME, GOD cares and He wants to help me. Nothing is too petty for God. He is compassionat and he knows why I am the way I am. He knows all the broken places and wants to heal them. Jesus has felt every kind of pain and suffering so whatever I am going through he cares and he understands. 

2- Jesus is the anchor that holds me together when everything in my life is out of control. He is the constant that provides unfailing love, mercy and grace ALL the time. It isn't based on my performance. Thank God! 

Jesus WILL see us through some of the darkest days in our lives. He is the "secret" to being content in all circumstances. 

I pray that God would help me surrender my control to him right now. And I pray that if you're reading this that you would be encouraged and that you would allow God to show you that he is trustworthy. Nothing is too small or too big for God. 

Stay blessed and stay saucy!  

-Libier 

Down in the Dumps

                 

              I'm going through a really tough time right now. Everything is really coming together to form one big pile of poop if you ask me. My Aunt Sharon just passed away. My mom is far far away and I won't get to see her in a long time. I was in the ER last Friday and now I have to have a colonoscopy to figure out what's wrong with me. My friends are having issues of their own. I have a three year old and a four month old and I'm trying to figure out how to be a mommy of two. My daughter's pediatrician told me she's too "little" since she's in the 0 percentile and is basically telling me I am not feeding her enough, even though she is healthy, happy and hitting all her milestones.  It seems like I'm getting a cold, and oh I just stubbed my big'ol toe. Just kidding, the last one is the only one that's not for real real. I probably sound like a whinny little sinner to you. However, all these things are actual stresses in my life that are affecting me in a very real way. I can also sit here and type out the million things I am blessed with, because I am; But that's not the point of this post.

               The point of this post is to uplift anyone who feels like the walls are caving in, FOR WHAT EVER REASON. We live in a world that promotes self reliance, ALL time pleasure, ALL time happiness, ALL time SELF. It  is impossible to have those things at all times. That's why we keep searching.. We are all walking around pretending like we have it all together putting up a facade of perfectness to our neighbor. When someone is going through a tough time we say, "Don't worry it's going to be okay" ...... " I can tell you a WAY worse story than that and I lived through it. You'll be fine." ..... "What did you do to deserve this?"..... All the while when something is happening to us we wonder why no one understands us, why we feel so alone. I say we start by being real with one another, realizing that we are all broken one way or another. We ALL have shortcomings. And more importantly we are all hardwired with feelings for a reason. TO FEEL THEM. If we walk around all day pretending we are perfect and minimizing our own pain and the pain of others we are damaging a beautiful connection with our brothers and sisters of this world. We can all look put together, pretend that hard circumstances don't shake us, that we make ourselves happy and we can stand alone; but that's why everyone is going home and secretly living out their depression. For the most part alone. God didn't create us to be alone.

           God wants us have feelings and to love one another. What ever you are going through today, this week, this year. If you have a hardship, it matters.  It matters to God. I hope that you can start by not minimizing your own pain. It hurts because it matters to you and that's okay. With God it is possible to be in a dark place because He's got more light than you can ever imagine. If you come to God with your hurts He will heal them in time. Don't rush the process. as long as it's in prayer God will deliver you in His timing. Second I hope that if you read this you can know that when someone you love is going through a tough time even if you don't know what to do or what to say, the safest bet is emulating your loved one's feelings. Make them feel like you care by saying, yes this really sucks! Give people a chance to mourn what ever needs mourning.

          Even though I'm going through an incredibly difficult time in my life right now, God has been so faithful in sprinkling in so many blessings through out my days. But more importantly I've come to know Him better, I've learned how to be compassionate (let's hope I remember next time someone needs my help!)  and I've been able to exercise my FAITH muscle which can only be exercised when going through a tough time. I am no more going to have faith if I have an easy life, than a toddler will eat his spinach while staring at a chocolate cake. Unless they hate chocolate....  but you get the point. I can say that I have all the faith in the world, until I am tested, then somehow the majority goes out the window and I am humbled and can be real with myself and God. Be real. Be true. Just be you, you have no one to impress but God and he already loves and accepts you more than you can ever fathom.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

My Pride

           

 I want to share with you what God has been doing in my heart these past couple of months, because it's been one wild ride! Let's go to a time where I wasn't being very diligent about reading my bible or making time for God in my life. I tell you,  this discipline of making time for God does NOT come easy to me. In fact. it's harder and harder the longer I go with out opening my bible or sitting alone with God in prayer and thanksgiving. I need you to know however, that I have ONLY recently started reading the bible. I have been walking with God for 7 years but until recently I finally heard His message nice and clear that if I didn't pick up my bible and started now listening to what He had to say, He was going to come down on me and it wasn't going to be pretty. God has been so gentle with me in revealing only what I can handle. But I was over due for a kick in the shins so I would come to hear His word. 

I was six months pregnant with my second daughter, I had just finished filming an independent film where I played a karate Heroine that saved little girls from being sold into human trafficking (Click here if you want to see the trailer).  My husband and I were in the midst of remodeling our new home. I was feeling on top of the world because I was in my second trimester of pregnancy and I was comfortable. I was so not on fire for God at the time.  My relationship with Him had gone from being so close to Him and reading my devotionals every morning, to prayers at meal time and rehearsed prayers sprinkled in when it was convenient. I was consumed by myself and all the wonderful things I had going on. THEN BAM! I got a hernia on my pelvic area. Cool! I made light of it by naming it Henry the Hernia. But to tell you the truth, I've never been in so much pain in my life. I went from going to the gym 6 days a week, to not being able to work out at all. Or even hold my 2 year old. I was Mrs. busy body and Henry the Hernia took me into daily submission to my couch and my home. Every sermon I heard reminded me of  Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". Every loved one reminded me to take it easy. I, like the pregnant- ninja- rebel that I was did the OPPOSITE of that. I by the hairs on my chinny chin chin moved a little wimpy seat from the living room to a bedroom and that's where God met me. I hurt myself so badly that I cried out to God. Why is it that God gives me so many blessings and I forget to want to have a relationship with Him UNTIL I get handed a difficult situation. Then I run back like a sad little puppy giving my master the big sorry eyes saying "Look at how cute I am, please help me!" However, God is patient and he is Faithful. So He tries again with me. The message kept coming on, BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I continued to ignore the message. Until I finally surrendered myself to Him.

I finally stopped going about like I was the boss of something and let God tell me what He needed me to do. I kept thinking that He just wanted me to not do ANYTHING and just wait to hear a deep voice from above. Well I tried but that never happened. God speaks to us daily but our own pride and sin keeps us from really hearing what He has to say.  I started seeking Him by reading my bible or listening to sermons on- line. Finally I did listen to a sermon that explained what it means to be still and know that He is God. What God had wanted to tell me all along wasn't to stop doing all the activities in my life. But to acknowledge that He is my boss. To be respectful to Him by making time for Him. Here is where I fall in love with Him more though. NOT for HIS benefit, but for MINE. When I allow God to be God and give in to that beautiful relationship He so longingly wants and I so intensely NEED, I am the one that benefits most because He is God and well, I am just me. I don't know why He loves me, I sometimes don't even know why He forgives me. But He does. And His promises are good. For ANY one who cares to listen and obey Him. I was healed from a huge stronghold in my life at this time of having to submit unwillingly because of my Hernia. God used my unfortunate circumstance to heal me in a way that I am forever grateful. Think of what he can do for you.

God taught me that my prideful attitude is something He can not work with. Daily we're working on destroying that monster inside of me that only fuels other sins. I even thought I was a humble person before this season of chastisement in my life. Humble!? I think NOT. But that's okay, I'm working on it and that is all I can do.

Stay blessed and stay saucy! 

I'm a Much Better Parent With God

There are certain things I really don't know about being a parent. I think I know less than I think I really do. BUT, I always hope that I can be the best parent I can be, flaws and all.

My little girl has a way of challenging everything that I once "thought" I would say or do as a mother. It is thrilling to get to know her a little more everyday. To understand how she was beautifully and fearfully made, and to encourage her spirit to be the person God intended her to be. She's only two at this point, and most of the time I'm really finding out how she was fearfully made.... can I get an Amen!? Some days, I truly don't know how I can carry on and then something happens.. I admit to myself and to God that I am NOT, to contrary believe (I think of just myself),  the ruler of the universe. And when I ask humbly for help - because I know that without the help of the Holy Spirit I suck at being a parent - I see the miracle that God gives me that day... patience, forgiveness and unconditional love to my little girl.  Now ask me if I do this everyday... NOPE! I get so caught up in "life" that some days I don't back down and I think I alone can do it all. Those are the days that I find it hard not to yell, those are the days that I cry of frustration, those are the days that I walk into my little girls room and see she has taken her diaper off and poo is smeared ALL over herself, the crib and her favorite stuffed animal. Cool. I am not trying to say that when I ask for God's help in directing me as a mommy everything goes right. However, my attitude is so different that I bring on a different, more positive energy into the day that even if I'm thrown for a loop, I have the Holy Spirit backing me up and I can feel a difference. There is a difference. The tough part is remembering and putting into action my faith in God as a parent. He can help me be the mother he intended me to be. Will I fail miserable time and time again? Yes, but there is a wonderful thing that will happen when my daughter sees my vulnerability as a mother. She will relax in herself and she will know that even mommy needs God's help. And she will see a difference when I trust in the Lord. Example is by far more impressive to a little heart than empty words and expectations.

Let God lead you today to be the parent He created you to be. You will never be perfect, but you will have an awesome opportunity to transmit a seed onto your children that will feed a hunger for God.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

Weakness

it's in the times when we feel COMPLETELY broken that we can let God do the most amazing work in us. When everything is going well we often forget to let Him lead us and work in us, our dependence is in ourselves. But when we feel utterly shattered from the inside out... our dependence shifts to Him and we begin to heal and find peace. Miracles start happening when we let God work in our brokenness and acceptance of our weaknesses.

It might expose us, it might make us feel vulnerable, but oh the peace. The peace we can achieve from admitting our weakest points and let God use people in our lives to lift us up.

I feel completely shattered right now, but not defeated. I feel vulnerable but not alone. Thank God for the people He's put in my life. Thank God for this day!

FOOD: My Biggest Addiction Ever

I'm the type of person that likes to look at other people succeed in their fitness goals. I can go on Pintrest for hours and look at the fitness section and just wish that I could have the dedication and self control  the girls who have amazing bodies obtain. I got to thinking about why I always start some healthy eating plan or workout plan and when it starts working I get comfortable and then I always throw in the towel.  I've never "arrived" so to speak in my all time fitness goals. I realized that what I was dealing with here was something stronger than just a little craving here and there. I realized I am addicted to FOOD. I can workout with the best of them. I actually really enjoy working out. The eating is where I always falter. I knew two months ago that if I continued down that road it was going to lead me nowhere good. An addiction is an addiction no matter what it is for. After praying for some guidance I met a trainer at my gym that  offered to help me with a meal plan. Coinkidink? I think NOT!

I was told that the only thing I was to eat was vegetables, good grains and lean protein.  And I was to eat like so, until I reached my goal. I was to have ONE cheat day a week where I could eat what ever my little heart desired. So of course I knew I had to give this a try.

It has been over four weeks and I've never felt better in my life! I feel super healthy and in control of my addiction (for now). It has NOT been easy at all. However, it's proven to me that I do need to treat the way I eat as something serious. What is going to happen to me if I were to not be able to work out as hard or as often as I do now? I need to workout this addiction now before I get older and it gets so bad that I can't control it anymore.

After eating really clean (and I mean CLEAN, NO sugar, NO processed foods. NOTHING BAD) it was sort of eye opening. The few times I had my cheat days I would just go crazy for the foods that I thought I was being deprived of. And guess what would happen, I would get sick and actually not truly enjoy them as much as I thought I would. But like a shark around blood, my desire for these "good-bad" foods was greater than my concern for a belly ache. I'm not saying that I'm am cured and I'll never relapse. Here is the hope though, that I will treat this as a serious addiction because it is. And it really is sad that no one would ever know that of me. It's not like a cigarette, people can smell it on you, this is really an undetectable addiction that I'm sure has it's grips on so many of us and we can't really put our finger on it. If you feel like you're an addict to food, my biggest advise is, pray pray pray for yourself to be rid of the addiction. Find someone else that is and make a vow to help one an other. And get savvy about good nutrition. Change your attitude about cooking and start cooking yourself some yummy healthy food! Trust me there IS such a thing! Veggies can be so delicious when given a chance!

The most difficult part of eating healthy is being prepared throughout the day with your healthy snacks and food! The rest is just up to you!

I am always here. If you have any questions or something to share don't hesitate to reach out!!

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libier

Let's Do Some Comparing Shall We!

For the better part of my life, I've been a true competitor. I love playing board games, I love being in an environment that allows my competitiveness to move me forward to new heights. Most times, I am in full competition with myself-trying to beat personal bests and all! I know that I was made this way for a reason, most days I can say that my "competitive edge" gives me a lot of benefits. However, there are times when I wish I would just be cool! I've been on a total- let's analyse the crap out of everything in my life lately so that I can become a better person-and in that, I've found that my competitiveness enables my comparison of others feature. Let me explain...

For the most part, I think I'm a pretty nice girl. I do good things and I'm "generally" good. There are sides of me that you don't even want me to tell you about that are pretty nasty. But for the most part, I'm a pretty cool cat (I think??) If I sit here in my competitiveness, comparing myself to other people, I will always be in the middle. I won't ever be as GREAT as Mother Teresa, but I'll always be "better" than someone else... I have decided that this is something I truly need help with because by comparing myself to the uttermost good weighed against the most horrible, I find myself in a mediocre middle state. Placing my judgment butt all over someones face and feeling LESS than someone else. God doesn't see us and say, "Oh Faloula is such a great person, a much better person than chippy-dip over there". He sees us Even-Stevens. We ALL have our good sides and we ALL have our dark sides. We all have a cross to bear, why is it okay for me to think your cross is more awful than mine? It's not!
No matter how we perceive it, NO one on this earth is better than anyone else in God's eyes.

I just want to stop it (tangent: you should hear my toddler saying STOP IT, it's sad but it makes me laugh inside) I want to be able to just work vertically, me and God. Trying to love on all of the people around me and not pretending that I'm either better or less than someone else. You know what I am? Me, just me. I will never measure up to anyone else because I am a unique gal that God loves as equally as the next guy. And that is okay with me.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libier

If You've Lost A Parent For Any Reason...

I know how much you've been hurt. Nothing on this earth can ever replace the loss of a father or a mother. Be it whatever circumstance- your mother not being able to be there for you because she battles with depression or your father unable to be there for you because his best friend used to be the bottle of vodka you so desperately poured down the drain to prevent him from taking another drink. Or simply because death came so unexpectedly and took one of your parents or both, or any other horrible circumstances...The bond that one forms with a parent is something that is out of this world. A bond so ferocious that if broken can leave you feeling lost, void, and looking for something in this life, in this world, to fill what you crave the most-guidance to the one and only who can be the ultimate and perfect FATHER.  I can say that God provided me with the perfect parents to make me turn to Him. In many ways both my mother and my father have let me down and I've had to turn to God for fulfillment. In many ways the good in both of my parents has given me hope that one person can not be judged solely on the wrong they've done. I've seen God work in both of my parents now as an adult and can happily say that he has saved my father from a massive alcohol addiction and is currently working on my beautiful mother on her battle with anxiety and depression.


Trying to be positive has helped me in my walk with God. However, it's been through prayer that God has used my brokenness and vulnerability. I've let God get in my soul to show me why I've done some of the dumbest things in my life. Forgiving and letting go of all the anger, sadness and resentment has provided me with so much healing and peace. It has not been easy, but I would not have it any other way, it has provided me with a close and intimate relationship with God that I never would of had otherwise.  The interesting thing is that everything that I think has been a mistake in my life reverts back to wanting my parent's approval and love. It goes back to that bond. God knows who our parents are going to be and he knows what children He is going to entrust onto us. He knows that we are at some point going to be let down or be the ones to let someone down. Even the most wonderful of parents can let their children down from time to time. Or they can be taken away from this life too soon (in this case, don't regret the time you didn't have with them and run through a list of all the things you could'a, would'a, should'a done. Instead, be grateful for the time you DID have and those precious moments that were a gift of God).

The world is going to let us down! I will say it again, the world and the people in it, even the ones we love the most, are going to let us down. That is why God has to be the answer to our search. The void we so eagerly want to fill with sex, shoes and cigarettes will only and forever be satiated with a close relationship with our creator, God Almighty.

I hope that if you are reading this and you find yourself in my shoes you can be able to ask God for your own healing. I pray this super crazy-sauce because I've never felt more full and joyful in my life than at this time. This is where the healing begins...

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libier

How To Deal With A Broken Heart.

My heart was broken last weekend. I'm not at all ready to say why or to write about it. But I am ready to say that if I didn't have God in my life a broken heart could of broke so many other things. I find that the closer I get to God the more amazing the spiritual battles get. The "devil" is ready and charging at me with his best "stuff". But you know what, if God is for me, who can be against me? No one, that's right! I have to learn to allow myself to hurt when crappy circumstances come into my life. I try to be so strong and so positive that I forget sometimes that being vulnerable and broken is where I need to be at that point in my life. So right now I'm broken and vulnerable, however I'm still joyful and trusting that God is mending me better than I was before. Trusting God and believing He has his hand in all of our lives is not easy. And it doesn't mean that you can't feel sad or frustrated. It's just a feeling of peace within the storm that you are being loved and taken care of, and trusting with all your might that a wonderful blessing WILL come from all of your yucky circumstances!

I hope you all are having a beautiful day!

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

What's Love Got To Do With It?

One of my first experiences with love, aside from family love, was my first boyfriend Zachary. He and I had this captivating love that started as explosively as a firework and ended just as fast. We had been in our relationship for a week and had already said the “I love you”s. Sadly, he had to move to Oregon because his parents were making him, (of course it wasn’t his idea, he was too in love with me to move) and so our love ended. It was the summer of fourth grade and I just knew my life would never be the same. We couldn’t keep up a long distance relationship, so we said our goodbyes. He left me with a love letter and a rock shaped as a heart- awesome! I cried my little heart out. I really didn’t know if my life would go on. I just recently read some of my journal entries from this very tumultuous time in my life and I couldn’t help but laugh, but in my ten year old me’s defense, what I felt for Zachary was the kind of love that cultivates in a week and you literally have no idea if your heart will ever be able to love again. Obviously, my heart loved again… again and again.

With every relationship I learned something about myself. Sometimes it would be something wonderful and others it would be just terrible. Baggage I wouldn’t want anyone else to know about me.  So I moved on, hoping that the next relationship would not expose the nastiness inside of me. But that’s the funny part about relationships. Someone will always make the little “monsters” in us come out to play when we least expect it. My experience of love without God in my life was conditional and self-seeking. It wasn’t until I got married that I realized that I was meant to love differently. No matter how many times my heart got broken, I was made to love time after time because love is a choice! The fireworks that I felt with Zachary when I was ten were the same fireworks I felt with any new boyfriend and especially my husband. However, the fireworks fizzled and that feeling of butterflies in my stomach was always something of the past. There had to be something else driving that love so it could sustain itself. The choice had to be to remain interested and wanting to make my husband feel respected and loved.  Not wondering what he has or hasn’t done for me lately (For the record I just want to say that what I just described is my ultimate wife persona. She is with me from time to time but other personas enjoy playing as well. Such as the nagging persona, the hormonal persona, the “You-don’t-care-about-my-new-haircut-so-that-means-you-don’t-love-me”persona, so on and so forth. I am not at all a perfect wife. I wish I could be, but this “choice” is ultimately the best version of me). Being married has sure taught me a few things about love.

June 2007- church bells are ringing!  We came home from our honeymoon and normalcy settled in. I felt a sense of uneasiness. I had no idea what I had signed up for. I thought that love and marriage were these perfect little butterflies that would flutter around the house everyday and we would always be smiling and he would always be my knight in shining what-cha-ma-call-it. We courted for only 5 months, got engaged, and in 5 more months we were locked in. So, you can see we didn’t know ALL the icky-ickies about each other yet, yet being the KEY word here. As our first year of marriage pressed on like a supercharged train, we went along for the ride. Finding many joys in the marriage as well as many dark moments in which we needed a higher power to help us! At one point in our marriage, I was having problems with an issue I’ve been battling with for a long time and I remember being so shattered inside that at that moment I thought I was unlovable by anyone. I was scared for my husband to see my brokenness. I thought that if he saw me this weak and sad he wasn’t going to want to be around me anymore. Skeletons of my past kept me captive and unable to move forward with my life. Horrible circumstances not fair for a young girl to have gone through haunted my thoughts. I was working out with God what had to be cut loose in order for the healing process to begin. I wanted to forgive. I wanted to rid myself of all the pain I felt inside. I got closer to God because my life depended on it. It wasn’t easy letting go and letting God’s love cover me like a blanket of hope. It wasn’t easy forgiving. When I made the choice to lift up my problems to the only One who can heal all, my salvation began. It was still very difficult for me. I can vividly remember one night crying in the shower. My husband heard my sorrow, got in and just held me. We didn’t speak one single word for a long time, he just held on to me until I cried out my very last tear. At the beginning, my tears were for how broken I felt inside and then they became tears of joy-joy for the love God had just displayed for me through my husband. That day my husband proved to me that he loves me beyond my looks, he loves me beyond the moments when I’m funny and kind and deserving of love. He loves me whole-heartedly.

Let’s jump ahead three years. It’s a hot August midnight; many contractions have been had. Too many if you ask me. I have been in labor for over thirteen hours and still no sign of this baby! Where is she!?  I was hungry, tired, and plain bored. I thought this show was going to be on the road much faster than it all went down. I was mad at my husband because he had just gotten to eat the most amazing smelling tri-tip barbecue sandwich, and the sweet smell of the barbecue sauce impregnated the room. Did I wish he would have fasted with me through this terrible two day ordeal? YES. Did he? NO. Anyway, I’m not bitter at him anymore, but not any-less either...  After being in pain, exhausted, feeling cheated with food, and bored to death, three o’clock came around. Guess who was ready to make her appearance? Who would have guessed that an hour of pushing a watermelon out of your what-do-you-know would feel like an eternity!  At 4:17AM, my little 8 pound, 21 inch slimy nugget got put on my chest. In that brief moment my heart grew about fifty times over. After having what seemed like hundreds of people in our room we were all of the sudden alone with our baby girl. It felt so bizarre, Mark 10:8 was apparent, “And the two shall become one”, and that we did! Whoa, I was in utter bliss and disbelief. I never, ever, in a bazillion years could have ever been prepared for the love I felt for my daughter.  Even now after a year of being a mommy I have a hard time containing all the love I have for her in my heart. I know that the way I love her is just a little preview of what God’s love is for me!  Dang!

I’ve been feeling love from my family ever since my mother’s first sign of morning sickness.  This incredible love fest has continued throughout my life. I have been so blessed to feel so much love from so many people! However, I will say that the one love that has made me fully understand what it really means to love is God’s love for ME. It is really easy for me to love people, when they are behaving in a way that I perceive as deserving of my love. It’s so easy for me to act loving to my husband when he brings me flowers and he rubs my feet. It’s amazing telling my little baby girl I love her when she smiles at me and hugs me. It is not so easy when they are being rude and mean, but that is what it means to really love, when it’s not conditional upon people’s behavior. God loves me even in the moments when I feel unlovable. He loves me in the moments when I least deserve it. He loves me in the moments when I feel completely broken and shattered. That kind of love is what I am striving for. I have felt love, I have experienced love, but I never fully understood it until I understood how profoundly God loves me.

My Night At The Hospital

My madre was in the emergency room last night. I've come to realize that being in and out of hospitals is just in my fortune. She's doing much better now but I would really appreciate prayers for her. Thank you!

One of the things about hospitals that Ive come to love, is the comradery that ensues when one is there. I'm ashamed to say so, but I would not be the type of person that would go around hugging strangers. Let me explain...

Let's pretend this senario happened in the day time and at Starbucks:
I'm sitting at a table talking with my mom and dad. A girl wearing really baggy sweats, and a do rag walks inside. She is crying pretty deeply and just walked from outside having made a phone call. My usual reaction would be to steal a few glances. Wonder in my head what's wrong with her. Possibly say to my parents "oh pobrecita" (meaning poor girl), maybe just maybe eves drop a little to try to gather more information- and then I would move on with my day.

That exact thing happened! Only it wasn't day time and it wasn't Starbucks. It was the emergency room of the hospital. There I sat talking with my parents trying to make conversation for the fourth hour in a row. We'd been waiting for the Dr. to see my mom and conversation was starting to get stale. I could see this girl sitting in the row right behind us, weeping.I kept glancing at her trying to be sly so that she wouldn't see the creepo staring at her while she was crying. And then I heard it! The Holy Spirit telling me to go pray with her and give her a hug. My instant thought was, "are you kidding me? I don't know this girl! For all I know she hates all things Holy and will pop me right  in the kisser!" Inner thoughts can be raw like that. So I pretended I didn't hear the command from God and moved on.

I heard it again.

This time I knew I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try. I trusted God and obeyed Him. I approached the girl and I said, "Excuse me, I'm so sorry, I don't mean to pry. But can I pray for you?" She looked up at me with her eyes swelled up with tears and said, "yes, I feel so sick and they won't call my name"  I sat down next to her and prayed for her, I held her in my arms and just loved on her and prayed out loud. It was unbelievable how amazing it felt to have God pouring his love onto this gal. I literary felt HOT when I was praying for her. Man, what an amazing experience that was. She said, "Thank you so much for taking the time to do that, I really appreciate it" and her name got called from the nurses station. She gave me the biggest hug ever.

I can not take any credit for that. I can not even say that I'm a great person for doing that because my FIRST reaction was, "no, I don't want to do that because I will feel uncomfortable". God can do wonders when we are opened to the idea of obeying his commands, they are subtle and most often than not it's easy to get out of doing them. We have a million excuses as to why we can't take five minutes of our "busy" life to help someone else out. Especially when it's a complete stranger or a person we don't really like.

 The ONLY thing I did do right was listen and obey. And I am certain that anyone is capable of doing that. It's tough, but once you experience it once, you kind of get hooked! The blessings that come from being a vessel for God are ten fold. The feeling you get when you've helped God help someone ELSE is something that not a million dollars could buy.

Being in a hospital brings a sense of comradery to my soul because that's when you know something is wrong and you NEED something else to help  you. You know that the others in there might not have exactly what you do but they have their own emergency. Politics, likes and dislikes, skin color, class, and anything that would otherwise separate you from another person fades away.

I am so glad that I get to experience moments that totally break me, because God puts me back together more beautify that anything else ever could.

Stay blessed and stay saucy.

Why Is My Aunt Flo Such a Party Pooper?

Today I just feel like organizing the heck out of everything in my house. I have this problem of always wanting to do something productive or else I feel like I am worthless. Okay maybe not to such extreme, but I'm always wanting to be busy with something. Although sometimes this is a good trait to have, some days it just bites me in the ass and makes me feel like my day meant nothing if I didn't climb Mt. Everest if you know what I mean. Couple THAT with being all hormonal and moody from a certain "visitor" and my gracefulness goes out the window! I want today to be different, and I know it can be because I am only a victim of my circumstances when I want to be.  I believe that a big part of what my life turns out to be is in my head. The more positive my attitude, the more positive my day is. The crappier I THINK the crappier I FEEL!

This is especially tough for me when I'm on my "days" if you know what I mean. Some days I just WANT to feel like crappy-dy crap! But more often than not this attitude is a downward spiral that takes heavenly intervention for me to get out of. So I try and try to not get stuck there! I know that my mind is powerful enough to get me out of any funky attitude, and if I couple that with prayer, it's all over. I can overcome anything!  I've done it time and time again with the help of God. However, sometimes I just don't want to feel good. Sometimes I just want to be a sourpuss! And that is just human nature. I've done that for the past couple days and now it's time to move on to more clear skies. I am choosing today to make my attitude one of gratitude and joyfulness, even if I'm not feeling that way right away, I know my body will follow my brain soon enough.

 Today I will place value on giving my 100% attention to my baby girl. I know that that means the world to her. I will invite her to do my chores with me and have fun doing it, instead of forcing a strict deadline for all chores to be done. Today, I will be thankful for all the blessings in my life. Today I will live as if it were my last day on earth and truly enjoy the parts that make my heart full of joy!
What will YOU do today?

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

The Butternut Squash That Almost Killed Me!

The other day I was making a dish that said, "pair me with a butternut squash soup". So I said, "Okay"! It would mark the first time I made something with butternut squash myself and I had no idea what was in store! As I attempted my first cut, I struggled to get my knife in the right position, a couple seconds latter I KNEW this was going to be super difficult. I used the BIGGEST knife I had and the shell of this thing was so hard to cut through! - I feared for my life. Those suckers are difficult to dice!! Why did  no one ever tell me this!?

I did the best that I could and only managed to salvage 30% of the squash for my soup. I was left baffled and wishing there was a better way. After making my B.S. soup (sorry I don't want to keep saying Butternut squash.. Butternut squash... Butternut squash.. so we'll stick to B.S. I don't know what's worse), both my husband and I decided it was deliciosa (delicious in Spanish). It was just so darn tough to make it that it makes me not want to ever cook it ever again. However, I remember the sweet and butter-nutty taste and my mouth waters... and then I want to do it all over again. Kind of when you go through labor, you're in all this pain and then somehow you forget how difficult it was once you hold your little baby, you get mommy amnesia and you want bring another little nugget into the world    (pregnant pause).      And back to soup...

I started thinking of myself and I figured out that I am a lot like a butternut squash. How? You ask. Well let me tell you. I started out this hard shell. Walls up. Insecurities up the yin-yang. People would try to come into my "space" and I pushed away- hard! I was this self-seeking, not flexible, selfish, vain, judgmental person. Sometimes someone would be able to get in a bit; but even then it was frustrating I bet. The "fruit" that was in me still did not give any good taste. It wasn't until I finally let God IN that I was able to become sweet and soft so to speak. God in many ways was the boiling water wearing me down to be kind, humble, and joyful.

And then a new day comes and I start all over again! God tries and tries to break me apart so that he can put me in "hot" water to make me "sweet" once again. This is an every day process. I will never be fully GOOD, there are so many temptations and worldly desires that can ruin my walk with God. But He is always looking for the opportunity to help me along with my journey. I just need to let Him. I start off as the B.S. All hard and outer-shelly (I think I just made that word up). And then he dices me up and shows me what my place is in life when I walk with Him. Even if he gives me something difficult to go through in this life "my hot, boiling water", when I walk with God, I will always end up a sweet and delicious butternut squash soup.

P.S. I really hope you like butternut squash. If you don't, that sucks and you'll just have to substitute your favorite vegetable that's difficult to cook. haha

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

Don't Hate Me Cus' I'm Beautiful- Or Homely - Or Ogarish

 I watched Shrek today, in Spanish, and may I say that it was hilary (short for hilarious- as one of my favorite friends would say-in this instance making it way too long because of this extremely long explanation. But it saves you one syllable, applicable elsewhere. Okay the end). I enjoyed all the Mexican culture puns and the play on words. I laughed, I cried, okay maybe just the first, but most of all it made me think~

Princess Fiona: is afraid of being "ugly" so she automatically thinks that her curse  made her an Oger at night. At the end of the movie we find out that her True Love's Kiss revealed her true self. Her once "pretty" appearance disappeared and we see that she becomes the, all-the-time-ogeresque, beauty.

Shrek: Describes himself as an onion who is deep and misunderstood by the WORLD. He pretends to be something he is really not, to feed into the "image" that others portray him as, so people will just leave him alone.

So here's what I think (and this is just my opinion, you might have a different one, and guess what. That's okay).

We as people tend to always want to blame others for things (myself included). Simply put. When someone is mean to us because we have a "disadvantage" or we are "different",  it is so easy to blame them and anyone else who thinks like them for our bitterness. Deep down we are just hurt that we are not being accepted the way we want to be, by those people. In some cases most people can brush off a couple encounters with these people I like to call, Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers. But there are other people that have a little more sensitive soul that get stuck. They can get so stuck that they themselves become the N.N.'s and D.D.'s. They themselves become bitter and Ogeresque.

Just because someone is beautiful (and take mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder), does not mean that they have it better in life. Just because someone is homely does not mean that they are a trapped oger mad at the world for their looks. To me, someone who is aesthetically pleasing, can be the ugliest person I know, based on their heart. And someone who is not so cute, can quickly become a beautiful swan in my eyes if they have a heart of gold. I think for the most part we KNOW this to be true. Why our society puts so much emphasis on looking a certain way, I have no idea. BUT the point I'm trying to make here is that, if we go around ourselves blaming the WORLD for our actions and our sadness and bitterness, it's going to be one long and lonely life.

Take the rains of your life and chose to be the most beautiful person from the inside regardless of what your shell looks like. In the end we ALL get saggy and wrinkled anyway and then what. Do you want to spend the rest of your life treasuring your good looks and wishing you had youth? No, that's another way to have a long and sad life.

Think about it.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!

-Libby Lu

I Want To Be Like Audrey Hepburn

Did you know that Audrey Hepburn had a crooked tooth?! Neither did I! Why is that at all interesting you ask?Well.. I have a crooked tooth and for the better part of my existence I've plotted how I'm going to make it straight. I try pulling on it. Wishing on a star. I have even considered having dental work recently. I look in the mirror constantly and analyze its positioning and wish for it to grow (for it's a little baby tooth, didn't quite grow as all my other teeth did) and wished for it to get straight. I look at my teeth and think, man, if this ONE tooth was straight, my teeth would be perfect. But that's not where I stop when it comes to my insecurities. If only I had this person's legs, I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a rabbit... Oh wait never mind, just got caught up in my head. Any who, you get the point. I'm constantly picking on myself and the "flaws" that I see in me. Focusing my energy on something so negative that little by little I destroy my spirit and make myself  feel worthless.

How does this all tie in to Audrey? Well I've always loved her for so many reasons. She was fashionable, beautiful and a famous movie star. This is why I bought a coffee table book with a butt load of pictures of her to give as a Christmas present to my aunt Sharon. As I was flipping through the pages, there were many many pictures I had never seen. One in specific revealed. HER crooked tooth.  Did it change the way I saw her? NO, it made me fall in love with her even more. She's an Icon of a woman, thought by millions as one of the most beautiful women in the world and here she had a flaw. WOW. That goes to show that we are many times our worst enemies. We look at ourselves with such a critical eye. God sees us so differently and I am sure it pains him to see how judgmental we are of ourselves. As I flipped further down the book, I saw pictures of Audrey as an older woman hanging out with kids in Africa (she was a huge humanitarian devoting much of her life to UNICEF helping children in need!). She looked even more beautiful to me in those pictures where she had clearly aged than in any other picture I've ever seen of her. Her eyes were so loving and joyful. That kind of beauty only comes from the inside of someone's soul!

If I were to write a list of all the blessings that God has given me, it would super-exceed any list of "flaws". I KNOW this but some days it's just such a difficult concept to grasp. God made me exactly the way he made me for a reason. I should not be rude and Judgy McJudgerson to the creation He so carefully crafted.

Everyone is insecure about something. However, the more aware we are of the fact that our "looks" are only going to go so far, the more at peace we shall be in this world. The only way I can ever be at peace with who I am, is knowing that I was created for a purpose. There is a difference between wanting to have a healthy body, playing with makeup or loving fashion and obsessing with the physical appearance that we have. If you're always wanting to change something about yourself, it's never going to end at that little nip and tuck. You're always going to want more because you're going to be chasing an image that is different than the one you INTENDED to have in the first place.

It is by no means way easier said than done folks. I somehow believe that the more accepting of each other we are the better we'll get at accepting ourselves. We are all in need of one another. So go on. Love on who ever is next to you right now and tell them all the wonderful things you think about them! And YOU write down a list of all the wonderful things you think and feel about yourself. You'll see that you are a flawed perfect package!

I Went Clubbing Last Night

One of the things that makes me most excited in this life is dancing. I constantly have dance parties with my toddler. I am NOT going to lie, we get down! We get down so much that she likes to go on the coffee table and dance on top so she can keep sort of eye level with me. We have dance parties almost every day. The other day we danced for thirty minutes! Wowza! I would never think a toddler would want to dance for a whole thirty minutes (now when I say dance, I do mean bouncing up and down with her little legs and just moving her rump, soooometimes she'll throw in a spin or a shoulder move. I know, very fancy)! I do these dance parties because I LOVE to dance. I don't remember the last time I was at a club... wait maybe I do, it was circa 2009, November to be exact. Just a few days before finding out I was growing a tinny little alien looking gummy bear in my belly. Of course once you have a baby you don't think, "Oh today, I think I am going clubbing". Hahaha, that thought never crossed my mind! But deep down inside the passion for dance is there, thus the amazing dance parties with my baby girl.

Last night I went clubbing. Not only does that feel silly to say because I'm almost thirty, but it's even sillier that I went to an over 18 gay club. And not just ANY club. I went to a club that I myself attended, almost every weekend, circa 2004 with some of my favorite friends. The ONLY reason I went yesterday, was to celebrate my nieces birthday. Her and her friends wanted to go out dancing but they are not 21 yet, thus going to this particular place. I was honored that she thought her old lady aunt would be hip enough to go out dancing with all of her friends, so I could not deny the invitation. As I walked into the club, I was filled with thousands of memories of the " ARC company dance days". As I danced my little tush off, I couldn't help but feel so proud of my friends that I once had the honor of sharing the dance floor with. I'm a completely different person now than who I was way back when and to know that those friends have loved me ever since then, gave me chills and warmed my heart.

Same place, different perspective in life. How cool is that. As I dance with these teens/early twenty something people, all I could think of was, I really hope they get to have wonderful memories and wonderful friendships as I have.

In life, we can't ever chose our family (we need to honor them because they are a gift from God in-spite of how irritating they might seem at times). However, we can choose our friends. Our friends are going to love us, encourage us, tell us we're smoking crack when we do something stupid. Our friends help us find ourselves in this big,big world. God places the friends He thinks are going to help us grow and become a better person in life. These are friendships that can last a lifetime if you work hard at it. Even friendships take  work. But worth every effort.

I say today you take the time to tell your friends how much you freakin' love them. Even when they make you mad, your fiends are always going to know who you are, where you've been and what box you've danced on at the CLUB.

Stay blessed and stay saucy!!!