The Mommy Chronicles

Being a mother has taught me one or two things thus far. It’s taught me that I do not care about having spit up that stinks like three dead rats all over my blouse as long as I get a smile from my little creature. I do not care that I’ve missed the latest party out on town because I have this little cutie patootie that is sleeping soundly and making really funny noises and faces that I get to look at. It’s like having a subscription to the latest cable package this little one; I can just sit there and stare at her little face for hours upon hours. It has also taught me that there is a very important reason God made them so cute! So that you won’t strangle them when they are crying your ear off and you’ve feed them, burped them, they are not tired, nor do they have a kitty litter surprise in their diapers and you just do not know what the heavens is wrong. I’ve literally had to pray so much in order to not lose my cool in times like this. I think that God is so amazing in that not only is he giving us these little lumps o’ goodness to take care of and lead into a good life; but he makes them specifically to order so that they will bring out the best and worse in US, the parent so we can continually work on our selves. God works on us through our children and we need to really listen to the message and allow both good and bad parts of us to come out so that we can decide what we want to continue holding on to. It’s a good way to evaluate your persona and decide if the good things can be better and if the weaknesses can turn into strengths. I know that I myself have been extremely challenged in these past few months. Patience is not really my best friend and those close to me know how for the most part I’m a pretty mellow person but when my buttons are pushed I just get nasty. Well my baby joy has pushed them all at ONCE and because of divine intervention, I have not gone ballistic. I think it’s so important to share that being a parent is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. There are times that you have no idea what the heck your doing and it’s scary so you get down on yourself. I know I have, but if you’re reading this please know that it is completely normal to have these feelings of inadequacy. I am sure even the most seasoned parent still has them from time to time. The important thing to hold on to is that, you are not the only one and that when you give up your worries to God and let him guide you, everything starts making sense and the “bad” moment’s only work to make you stronger. Enjoy parenthood! I know I am. Madelyn is starting to laugh and that has given me the coolest feeling in the world. She is growing so fast, I want to be able to just live in the moment and enjoy every phase of her life. She is a great addition to our family.

Stay at Home Mamma Jamma!

Here I go on the greatest adventure of my life. I've been ever so lucky to have the opportunity of being a stay at home mother. I have NO idea what I'm in for, but I do know that it is such a blessing that our family has been able to make this life changing shift. So far I've been a mother for five weeks and I can say that they have been some hard times BUT the oh so great times have serioulsy outweighed the difficul times bar none! I love, love, love being a mother so this blog is only to mourn "the career woman in me",because I feel like I owe the old me a fair fairwell. So with out further ado........ First things first,what I will miss the most from my life as a career woman will be my co-workers. They are by far the most amazing group of young ladies I've ever had the pleasure of working with, so funny and smart and beautiful! It felt like we could take over the world if we really wanted to. Several of them have become some of my very favorite friends. I was able to cry, laugh, and share some really juicy secrets with them through out my three and a half years there. I'm going to miss them like nobodies bee's wax.. Second, I am going to miss getting ready for work. Waking up every morning with endless possibilities for the perfect outfit, make that the perfect "look". As getting ready for me was so much more than just the clothes. It was the shoes, the accesories, the make up, the hair; and not to forget the scent. I know I don't have to live in PJ's, which I would never want to do anyway,but I don't exactly feel like getting up and putting on my fishnets and stiletos to go change a diaper. I will have to make lots of play dates and different dates to remain true to the fashionista with in my soul. I will also miss the thrill of buying a 9K time slot on television, I will miss the rush of doing something great at work that just sent me into bliss because I accomplished something I had been working towards. I am going to miss being able to talk to adults on a day to day basis about smart topics. I am defenitely going to miss being able to just run out of the house on an errand with out it seeming like I'm orchestrating a huge Barnum and Bailey circus event. And I am defenitly missing being able to eat when ever I want. Who knew that even going to the bathroom would become something I now had to make time for? And something that I'm going to miss that is actually kind of scary, is being responsible only for myself. The fact now, is that I will forever have the responsability to care for an other person's life. That I have the huge responsability to shape this kids life in a way that she becomes a beautiful person that loves life. I'm greatful for the opportunity but I also know it's a big job. Inspite of all these things Iwill miss, I am defenitely ready to make room for the next chapter of my life. Now my accomplishments include getting a smile from my daughter, being able to soothe her crying and being a super cool, super fly mommy. There is a time for everything and now it is my time to be a mother. Thank God for such a wonderful life!! Stay blessed and love like it's your last day on earth!

I'm a Madre! Oh yeah!

I am a mother! I gave birth to Madelyn on August 5th at 417AM, after 17 hours of labor. She was 8lbs. 1oz. and measured 21 inches…..she is beautiful. The past month of my life has changed drastically. I am a mother! What? Ha, I have never in my life believed more in God and been so present with him than now. Giving birth was the single most amazing feeling I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing. And I know that it was all possible because of God. What a wonderful creator. What a perfect job he’s given my husband and me, to be a parent to this tinny creature that will probably teach us more than we can ever teach her. The months of exciting anticipation wondering what she would look like, what her cries would sound like, what she would smell like; all culminated in that second she was put on my chest after being delivered. The feeling I felt is not something I can explain with words for it was too beautiful and breathtaking. Feelings were at a height with all the movement in the delivery room. People everywhere executing their jobs to get my baby to me once more. Orderly chaos and then suddenly, nothing. Doug and I looked around and there was no one in the room except for him, me, and Madelyn. Whoa, what a strange feeling that was. It was very apparent that we had just begun the next chapter of our lives together. They say that God gives us what we need, not what we want. Doug and I were blessed with a wonderful sleeper, she sleeps 5-8 hour stretches during the night, and God bless her for that. But she also loves to dirty countless diapers. She often decides to pee or poop while we’re changing her, has spit-upitis daily, and her crossed eyes have stolen our hearts. I think that having a baby is God’s way of showing you the kind of love he has for us, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I can’t tell you of ANYONE that I would allow to poop all over my hand and still be able to kiss their cheeks minutes after (maybe Doug but I’m not 100% sure on that). The love that I feel for her goes beyond anything that I could have imagined. And the love that I feel for my husband now has grown to a level I didn’t think was possible. We created her together and our love made her BE. How cool is that?! I can spend hours upon hours just looking at her and thinking of all the adventures we are going to have together. I am so excited for her life, I feel so grateful to be able to be an important part of her development as a child of God. I pray that God can lead my husband and I to be the best parents we can be for her. If you are a parent you know what I’m talking about and if you’re not yet, you are in for a treat if you choose to have a child someday. May God bless you all and all the babies in the world.

Parenting 101

With my baby's D-date around the corner, I've been forced to think about our lives and how much, so much is going to change very soon. I've been thinking about being a parent and what that means. I've been thinking about MY parents and how they raised me and how my husband was raised as well. Obviously I have NO idea what being a parent is going to be like, but with some observations of people around me, I've began to formulate my ideas of what I think it might be like. I see my family and it's inevitable to notice how Mexican we are. There is a hard core sense of family ties in most Mexican families,and I think it's augmented times twenty in mine. Family is number one, and that's what it's all about. You would think that was "good" all the time. I am in it, so I see it as a bit of a shortcoming at times. For example, my parents have always lived for their kids and their kids only. My father can't sleep if he doesn't talk to me everyday. My mother thinks I'm being a bad daughter if I don't see her EVERY week. They do nothing else but work and live to be with their family. With or without knowing it they dish out guilt trips when I don't go see them or call them.
I've realized that being a parent is more of a very important job rather than God giving you little person that you should expect to love you and be around you at all times. God gives us children to start them on their path of life and to teach them wrong from right . Ultimately they are little individuals who are here to figure themselves out in the world and to find their purpose and to build a strong relationship with God apart from you. We as parents are the people who get to take care of them and show them the way. I know that the second I meet my baby, I am going to fall much more in love with her than I already am and it's going to be hard to not want to smoother her with love and protectiveness. I need to remember that I am here to help her find her path and that sooner or later she is going to go off and do her own thing, and I have to be okay with that. I've been thinking of how it's going to take much much work in order to keep my relationship with my husband alive. We are going to have to work hard at making sure we are staying a couple and not just parents. It is crucial to nurture your relationship with yourself and with your life partner. I say this because I've seen many marriages struggle when all of their kids grow up. The couple no longer has anything in common because they've spent the last eighteen years of their lives focusing only on their children. I'm not trying to say be mean to your kids and neglect them. you obviously need to make sure they have a good life. I just know what it feels like to be a child that is a product of their parents giving ALL of their attention to them and them only. I feel guilty that I can't see my parents every day because I can just picture them bored watching T.V. and waiting for me to call or to go visit. I don't want to feel this heaviness in my heart. I would love for my parents to be individuals and have likes and interest and hobbies that could occupy their time and their minds. My mother and father have given themselves so much to their family that they don't know themselves as individuals or as a couple anymore. This causes a disservice to both them and their children because they feel resentful towards their children because they feel abandoned; And the child feels guilty and obligated to fulfill something in the parent that no child should have to fill. We all came to this world alone and we all leave it alone. Having a family and loved ones to steer us in the right direction and love us is imperative to our existence, but ultimately the relationship you have with yourself and God is the most important one because if that is not in order everything else in your life feels wrong. Being a parent is going to blow my mind I am sure, and I am so excited for the adventure. I really hope that I can give my daughter everything I have for her to have a strong foundation for her life. I know that it will be hard to see her go once it's time, but I'm so excited for the path that she's going to go on. It's so exciting to me for my husband and I to design our own parenting plan. No one gets a manual on how to be a parent, but when you trust that God will be there at every crossroad, every question, you can rest assured that you'll do the right thing. Parenting in my mind is putting your trust in God that you are molding a person into someone that is going to love life and explore what the world has to offer and to reach their potential and calling in life. I can't wait for the adventure!

Cheers to all the parents and parents to be in the world!

When there's a will there's a puppy.

When there's a will there's a way. Heard that before? This week I heard the very sad news that my childhood dog, Cosita (means little thing in Spanish), passed away last Monday. My mother being my mother did not want to tell me because I was in a "delicate" state in my pregnancy and she didn't want me to go into early labor or something. This week while being at their house I got curious of Cosita's whereabouts and asked my mom. She gave me the look, you know the one you just know something is wrong, and I just knew what she was going to say, "Cosita is gone"... I of course burst into tears that were ignited even more by the surge of pregnancy hormones! After I did my thing, all I could think about was my past with my dog. She was fifteen years old, by golly that's old for a dog! In some sense I was a bit relieved since she'd been loosing all her teeth and was down to one good molar on the right side of her mouth, it was time for her to go. Still sad, but understandable. I got to thinking of how much I struggled to get her.

 I suddenly found myself back in 1995 wearing some hideous leggings with an over sized T-shirt tied to my side. There I was at my mom's friends house, this lady we went to visit had two adult Pomeranians that had just had a litter. I don't know if you've ever seen a Pomeranian puppy but it was by far the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life. With high hopes I asked the woman if she was going to give them away. Short of laughing at my face she said, "Oh Mija, NO , these puppies will sell for $300 a piece in three months when they are ready." I turned to my mother armed with my most pathetic googly eyes to see if I could convince her to buy me one. She literally laughed at my face and said , " Are you kidding me, we hardly have money for food for ourselves and you want me to buy you a $300 dog?!" I lost hope, well for about the time it took us to get our tooshies to the bus stop. Then my mind took off running wild, like a gazelle running from a hungry lion.

 I kept thinking of how I would convince my mother that I needed this puppy more than I needed food really. Different strategies ran through my head. Lots of brainstorming and preparation to lay down my proposal and not have it be denied. It took me the long bus ride home to determine what I would ask of my parents. When we got home, I sat them both down and with my most convincing demure I began my business plan. I told them that over the next three months I would be "working" towards raising money for the puppy. I asked them if they would please buy me Mexican candy in bulk and that I would sell it at school and in our neighbourhood. They for some reason loved the idea and let me open shop! I don't think they knew what I had in mind. I made flyer's with markers that I then posted all over our street saying that our house was a Mexican candy factory. In hind sight I think my father would have said no to the whole operation had he known how much business I would have. There were literally TONS of kids and adults from our street that came and rang our door bell constantly for some candy. What a success! I ran out of my first batch very quickly and on to the next. I could not wait for the minute that I would get to hold my very own puppy!

 It took me three months but I finally did it. In all honesty I think my parents despite our shortage of money, had to put in the final "cents" for my transaction to take place. But I think they just thought I would probably run away if after all my struggles I wasn't able to get her. I can remember the day we went to pick her up as if it were yesterday. We got to go in my dad's car and on the drive home I had her on my lap and since she was so little she kept sliding onto my side and the crevice of the car seat. Oh what a joyous day! I was one happy sixth grader.

Why do I share this with you today? Well because when there is a will there is a way. If you truly want something don't stop short at people telling you no. If you have the drive in you, and I truly believe we all do , then there is always a solution to get all of what we want in life. The thing is to listen to your heart and your head will figure something out if you let it. Don't live your life by what others think you can and can not do. It's not going to be an easy or a smooth ride by any means. But the satisfaction you get out of completing something that you thought difficult is by far one of the most exhilarating feelings of all. To get what you want and what in essence your heart needs, after a huge struggle makes life worth living. So if you're facing a time in your life right now where there is something out in the world that you just gotta have, do a little soul searching figure out if it's really what you need and go for it. You will know it in your heart if it's really what you want. No inhibitions, no sensors. You WILL achieve it if you can think it. We all have so much potential that we don't use or we sell ourselves short for. I think back and really feel proud of myself for having to experience that. I would have learned NOTHING had my parents had the money to buy me Cosita. But if I was able to do that at 11 years old, what are my capabilities now? Don't be scared of your own potential. Go balls out and get what you truly need in life! It's worth it all!
May you rest in peace, Cosita, you taught me more that you know.

Stay saucy everyone!

The Future Voyager

Since my little girl decided to give us a "preview" of labor on Father's day, I've been on the edge of my seat! Especially this week , it was my first week home from work on maternity leave and every little contraction, or every joyous pain I felt, I thought, Oh boy THIS is it! And guess what, nope, nada! I keep thinking of when it would be the perfect time for her to make her grand entrance into this world. I keep wondering what it will be like and making up stories in my head of what I'm going to feel like, or what my husband is going to be like as well. I keep trying to predict when this is all going down! My whole pregnancy I've been caught up thinking, I can't wait for this to happen and I can't wait for that to happen. For example, I could not wait to get to twelve weeks of pregnancy because that's when the possibility of miscarriage diminishes by a ton. I was so focused on that part that I'm pretty sure I didn't pay much attention to my first twelve weeks of pregnancy. Then it was, oooh i can't wait to find out the sex. And so I even had a count down on my phone telling me how many days till then I still had to wait. Finally that came. Then it was, oh I can't wait until I am showing. And then that came, and now that it's here I find myself thinking, oh I can't wait to NOT look pregnant anymore! Make up your mind yo! But now, the biggest line that runs in my ever so active brain is, Oh I can't wait to have her and meet her! All this, I can't wait , I can't wait, can become quite exhausting. I'll tell you why, because I'm not allowing my self to enjoy the now. I'm trying to be a fortune teller and predict when things will happen and how I'll feel when they do. I'm worrying about things that haven't and probably WON'T even happen, but there I am, using precious time on the I can't waits and the future predictions. I know that what I am doing is not what I should be doing... I know that I need to leave the future to God and that I should enjoy and take peace in what is going on NOW. How many times do you allow yourself to wonder into the future like a balloon with no anchor. Soon enough it just keeps going further and further away. How do you get your thoughts and your focus back to the present? It is so stinkin' hard for me to do that I have to admit. To surrender all those thoughts of worry and what if's and focus my energy in what is happening right this minute, but with a little persistence and self -consciousness it is quite possible and quite healthy. No I'm not saying that thinking of your future is a big NO, NO. Obviously in our society is quite admirable for someone to have plans for the future and for that, you have to think about it and plan things out. It's also very nice to have something to look forward to, and God knows we all need a little sumn' sumn' to look forward to . But when does being a future voyager become harmful to our existence. It is when you're trying to direct your life in a certain way and not allowing God to lead you and bless you in the now. Do me a favor and try one whole day to not think about tomorrow. Focus your precious energy in what you are doing and see the blessings in it. Find God and goodness in all you're doing right this second. Be completely in the moment when talking to your loved ones. Be present in your life RIGHT now because who knows if there will be a tomorrow. What we do know is that there is a today and we are only "semi-living it" because our conscious thoughts are in the future. What a difference it might make in your relationships if you are present in the moment. What a difference it might make in you by allowing yourself to enjoy the now and leave the future to someone that knows best. Most of our anxiety is caused by fear of the unknown. Well, if we are constantly in the future in our heads, we are constantly in the unknown, therefore we are constantly in a state of anxiety. Why live this way when we can make the choice to live otherwise. I hope you have a beautiful day counting your blessings. I know I will be!

Stay saucy!

-Libier

Marriage

This week I’ve been blessed in celebrating my 2 year wedding anniversary with my main squeeze. I took a waddle down memory lane and reminisced the path that my husband and I have been on for the past 3 years. From the moment that Doug and I met I knew that I’d be in for a wild ride since on our first meeting he walked in my heels, made silly jokes, and farted while saying bye to me! Surprisingly, before asking me to be his girlfriend Doug sat me down and talked to me as if we were business partners on the verge of a very important transaction. He told me that he kinda liked me, but he didn’t want to waste his time. He was ready for something serious and that he didn’t want to mess around. Dang , dang, dang ohhh DANG! The business proposal consisted of three very important “non-negotiables” that I had to agree with in order to be his girlfriend, thank you very much! I of course chuckled in my head and thought , “Is this guy for real?!” Well, after glancing at his very serious expression I quickly knew he wasn’t messin’ and that I should probably listen. No one else in my “dating” world had ever been so upfront with me, I suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that this was something different, something better.

Drum roll please… The three “non-negotiables” in order of importance were: 1. He needed a woman who would put God first above everything else 2. A woman that always communicated with him no matter what and 3. A woman that didn’t smoke. I had to quit smoking!! EEEEKKKKKKK. I agreed to the first two right away and said that I would do my best with number 3, (LITTLE did he know that my “best” took me a year and some gumballs to accomplish. He must have really liked me, not just kinda, in order to deal with my “trying” to quit for so long). From the very beginning of our relationship I knew this was no ordinary partnership. I have felt so blessed to have found someone that knows absolutely everything about me and that can still love me in spite of all my flaws, my past, and how oddly shaped my head is. Someone that makes me grow in such amazing ways and that lets me help him grow in his path as well. I can’t begin to tell you how stubborn and “independent” I had to be in my growing up in order to survive. So when I started my relationship as a wife with Doug it was very hard for me to allow myself to share myself with him in every decision of our lives. That was a big struggle with me, completely submitting to him because my whole life I thought that was a bad thing. I thought WHY should you need to submit yourself to your mate?! I know now that it’s actually a very important thing in marriage or in a relationship for that matter, so long as the submission is from both sides. I know there is a struggle when you make the decision to share your life with someone else for the rest of your lives. You might feel as if you’re being stripped from your identity. IT’s NOT , you are about to embark in one of the most wonderful challenges of your life, learning the balance of being yourself, while growing into the person that your love makes you be. So it is imperative that you choose a partner that makes you grow and change into a better you. Allowing yourself to morph into the best partner you can be for them. Like learning to like the other persons music , or learning about sports because you know it’s important to them. These changes are not a measure of weakness, they are a measure of strength. Strength that you have for loving someone so much that you are willing to adapt your life so that they are happy and trust that they will do the same for you. I’ve had so much fun in my marriage discovering different facets of our relationship, different sides of myself, of Doug. I’ve had fun working through the rough times (and trust me there have been rough times)! It has been such an amazing experience because we know that after the storm has calmed and we’ve thoroughly worked a problem out, we have learned so much more about each other individually and as a couple. And we have the certainty that we can overcome the rough times by always putting God first in every situation. It’s been interesting to find out how different marriage is from what I THOUGHT it would be. It’s nowhere near what I thought. It’s a hundred times as wonderful and it can be a hundred times as challenging as I had imagined. But when the day ends and night falls we are left just us two alone, it’s as if the world disappears and we were made for each other laying there knowing that we have a buddy for a never ending sleepover until death due as part. Making the choice to love this one person for the rest of our life and continue to help them, and make them fall in love with us time and time again is a daily quest you much partake in. Love is a strange thing when you stop thinking about it as they show it in the movies. Love in its raw form is the most amazing thing any human being could ever experience, but you have to open your heart and go into it blindly in order to experience the full effect. No walls, no filters, no thinking “I don’t want to get hurt”. Because that you will. But the hurt will make the good times feels oh so much better. Enjoy your love very much for a loving relationship can be the most rewarding thing you can cultivate in a life time.

Stay saucy!

Happy Fathers Day

Hello ya’ll! Happy Monday to you! I hope you had a wonderful weekend!

Yesterday was father’s day! A day to celebrate those brave souls that are fathers. I thank God for my father that I love very very much and for my father in law that is an extremely important person in my life, if I didn’t know any better I would think God just blessed me with 2 AMAZING fathers from birth! But I would LOVE to dedicate this day to my husband. Even though he is not my father he already is a father to our little girl.

I was reading, What To Expect When You’re Expecting and came across a little sliver of a chapter titled: For Dad. I was first surprised that there was something written in there for the dad since he doesn’t deal with the physical portion of the pregnancy. However, as Doug and I read on a wave of shame rushed over me. This WHOLE time I’ve been feeling, woe is me, and the “oh sure HE got to have the “fun” part of this baby making shenanigan and I get the waddle like a penguin portion of it, NO FAIR !” Reading and getting educated made me see the light! I learned that men just as women, go through a hormonal change during a pregnancy. It’s proven fact that their testosterone levels go down and that they get estrogen surging through their very manly veins, making them all mushy and saying things such as, “Oh this is such a cute bib, let’s put it on the registry” and such. God made is so that daddies to be, would literally be more sensitive! How amazing is that!? That got me thinking of my husband and how he’s been through out my entire pregnancy. I felt so guilty for not praising him for being pregnant too. While I’m here having all these physical symptoms he has been experiencing them through me! What is worse? Having them or being a caring loving husband seeing your wife in so much discomfort and pain and not being able to do ANYTHIGN about it?! Whoa! Thinking that just took my breath away at how strong the man has to be during his partners pregonnes. Dude, men want to be the heroes in things. They want to be able to slay the dragon for their lovies! How can you do that when you are helpless and have no way of soothing your partners pain or crankiness other than catering completely to her cravings, uncontrollable moodiness and having to lie through your teeth when the inevitable questions start coming. My question , “Does this dress make me look huge?” Doug’s thoughts…. (NO, but that huge belly of yours does), Doug’s actual words, “NO honey you are beautiful no matter what”. Oh gosh I can’t even imagine having to be the guy part in all of this! What emotional turmoil. And to boot you’re not even the one that gets all the attention or the pity or gets to cut in line for the bathroom or gets a baby shower thrown for you (not that any guy would really enjoy one, but how about a party celebrating the poor fella? Nope there’s nothing) . Daddies to be, hardly get acknowledged and what a shame, they go through as much as women do, in different ways but they do. So this is my attempt to acknowledge fatherhood from the very beginning. Thank you all the fathers out there ,YOU are strong men! And if you are anything like my husband, you men are SAINTS! I could not have asked for anyone better to take care of me and the baby. Doug has been more amazing than I ever could of imagined, thank you for that honey. People say that fatherhood starts when the father meets their baby. I say they are wrong. Fathers are just amazing enough that they put their emotions on the back burner for the sake of their very pregnant partners! I hope all you fathers out there had an amazing day and that you were celebrated on and loved on a ton.

Make today a day to rejoice and to be ALIVE! Make the choice to make it a super saucy day, only you can!!!

Friendship

This week I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the meaning of friendship. My favorite musical, Wicked, has a song about friendship that every time I listen to it I just want to cry because it resonates so deep in my heart and it reminds me of all of my friends that I love so much. The start of the song goes a little bit like this:“I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason . Bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow If we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you.” I have a feeling that there are no mistakes about the people we meet, when we meet them and how long they are in our lives. We are all connected in some way you and me to give help to one another. When I look at my life and the friends that are in it, I see a colorful palette of friendships that help my life in many diverse ways. I have my friends that tell me the truth no matter if it hurts or not, I have friends that give me the biggest laughs of my life, I have friends that I can talk to about musicals and can do REALLY dorky things with , I have friends that are more level headed than me and help me find the “adult” within me. The friend that I talk to once in a great while but still have tons to say to. The younger friends that “look” up to me for being an upstanding adult. HA And there are the friendships that have been built that are so strong at the core that they feel as if they were my own blood brothers and sisters, friends that know every single thing about me and still love me for who I am and help me continue my growth. We are all here to need and love people. No one person can survive without the contact of another human being. We need to be loved , we need to feel accepted and we need to feel care and concern from and for someone else. I thank God for all the people he’s put in my life. And this week in particular I’ve been thinking of all the people that I know and that surround me and I’ve been analyzing and wondering what they’ve done for me and my growth and vice versa. It’s so cool to know that EVERY person is placed in your life for a reason. Think today of the people who surround you and what you’ve learned from them. Thank them for their friendship because you are who you are today because of them in some sort of way.

Thank you to all of you, yes I’m talking to YOU if I’ve met you and you’ve had any part in my life I want to thank you for your interaction with me because you’ve made me grow in many ways. There is a definite love for all of you that goes beyond what words could say. I’m who I am today because I knew you. And I can’t ever thank you enough!

Judgy McJudgerson

These past two weeks for me have been such an emotional rollercoaster. My mother was in the hospital last week! Goodness gracious really? Not again! At least my parents have an agreement to alternate their hospital episodes. In spite of that I’ve had a pretty good 2 weeks. Being in the hospital this time was a complete different story then when my dad was there, I don’t know how many of you remember Doug the man with the amputated leg, but that was my dad’s neighbor in his hospital room. He was quiet, serene, and alone. This time God thought it would be fun to shower us with bright neighbors. J

As I laid across the bottom half of my mom’s hospital bed trying to be a comfortable pregnant lady, I heard the LOUD snores of my mom’s neighbor. I thought, oh great, we are going to have to listen to that for a long while! This lady slept through everything! Nurses poking her , our conversations, the really loud crazy woman down the hall screaming her head off “I know you’re there……. I know you’re there…… dinner is all paid for ……. what are you waiting for!? I can SEE you!” she screamed. All this going on around her and still the neighbor, fast asleep and snores galore. That is until her family arrived. Two African American women, her daughter Ashley, 26 and niece, Kikki , in her thirties filled the room with boisterous voices. They said hello to us with bright smiles. Kikki had 4 missing teeth, and Ashley was well overweight and wearing an America’s Next Top Model T-shirt. Oh boy my mind, as much as I hate to admit it instantly filed them into healthy stereotypes. They started unpacking a bag and took out body shower and requested towels from the nurse. Start of my nasty thoughts: Really you’re going to take a shower here!? REALLY. Why don’t they just go home and shower? Cheese and rice, this is a hospital where there are sick people and you waltz in asking for towels to go shower in a shower where sick people shower. Ewwwww. End of my nasty thoughts. To kill time, I prepared to paint my toe nails when both Ashley and Kikki were back from their showers, they both looked refreshed and clean wearing the same bottom halves as they were before, they had fresh shirts on and white towels hid their wet hair. As I was trying to take my nail polish off, Kikki looked over at me and yelled, “Wait , wait, wait” and excitedly looked in her bag ,producing nail polish remover pads she shoved them at me saying , “Use these, they are better.” She smiled her four missing teeth smile at me and my heart hurt with love for her. Here I was being such a Judgy Mcjudgerson and here she was being KIND and loving towards me! After a little while I got to talking to both of them and learned that Ashley’s mother had been in the hospital for EIGHT months!!! Going in and out a couple of days at a time but always ending back in the hospital due to her severe Sickle Cell Anemia. I learned that they HAVE to see the hospital as their home because they have been there for EIGHT months being a support system for their mother/aunt! Holly Molly I felt like such a little piece of Sherman oaks when I realized how badly I had judged them without even knowing ANYTHING about them, but what they looked like. They ended up being the funnies people that just brightened my day with their stories and laughs! I’m so grateful that I was able to experience this. I’ve always tried my hardest to NOT judge people and to see the positive in everyone, but oh how fast and easy it is to let that slip. How many times do you go around judging people without being able to hear their side of the story? Had I not talked to them I would have never of been put in my place! I urge you today to pay attention to your thoughts and live conscientiously of how you view people around you. Take the lead and learn someone before you have a nasty thought. Learn them before you license yourself to put them in a stereotype. Choose love over judgment, and you’ll live happier!

Have a beautiful weekend!!

Mothers Day

Mother: what does the word mother mean to us? Life? love? Nag? Hehe Whatever mother means to you, just know that without one carrying you around for 9 months or so you would not be reading this email right here, right now.

My husband and I went to a baseball game the other day and my mind started wondering, mostly because of the insatiable rude foursome that sat directly in front of us, I kept thinking to myself ,” Cheese and rice, their mothers would be so disappointed by their behavior!” AND then my mind wondered to a different realm, as it often does, and I thought; Holly molly, ALL of these people sitting here were once babies and they were ALL once inside a womb! (Fathers, do not get squirrely on me, we ALL know you had 50% part in this “creating life” miracle, just hang in there till 6/20 for your email k.) ALL of these people including ME and YOU once made our mammas so uncomfortable by pushing her insides up so far to make room for us, that it caused little mamacita to have the world renowned pregnancy side effect….. Heart burn! Your mother sacrificed precious nights of sleep because you were having a party in her uterus, playing fun games like; stick your hands, feet, or whatever else fits into mommy’s ribs, for hours on end. Your mother saw the deterioration of her once Godly like figure, yes I said Godly thank you very much, turn into a nice rounder version full of fun veins, stretch marks, weird lines down her belly, hair in places she’s never seen, you name it! She suffered from Pregosaurus Virus, a virus so severe that it takes over the brain and causes furious attacks on husbands, poor defenseless husbands whose only fault was chewing a smidgen too loudly. Co-workers were loathed by your mother for their less than appetizing lunch that infiltrated her nostrils and sent her running to the bathroom to hurl four times in a row. Your mother had to endure the renouncement of cute shoes in order to fit her tamale sized chunkers into more appropriate and less painful kicks. And let’s not forget that she was probably so breathless from going to the bathroom every 20 minutes that sadly enough, towards the end of her pregnancy she counted the game of not peeing her pants her cardio! She probably cried and cried because of the joy she felt when you moved in her tummy! She would sit and wonder which one of your parts was sticking out through her belly and biting her nails at the thought of being a good mother for you. Let’s not leave out the part that we all know about but we never wanna imagine. The fact that she either had her stomach CUT open and had the worst time at begin able to get up from her hospital bed after surgery for some time, all to have you in her arms safely! OR she pushed you out of her v jay jay! Let’s face the facts, that just looks painful. I can’t imagine what it will be like but I’m sure it isn’t a walk down 5^th avenue. All of this she endured for you to have life. This mother’s day make sure you thank your mother for all that she endured to have you. Be thankful for her and feel blessed to have such a tough cookie as your mother. If she’s no longer in this world say a little something for her in her honor because she deserves a bloody medal!! Give it up for all the mothers in the world, love on them not just this weekend but always!

Your Inner Child

In light of mothers day approaching I got to thinking of what it was like to be a little kid. I thumb through my memory of being a child and find awesome tid bits of my history. Wowza, being a kid rocked!! Playing care free, not worried about bills, or responsibility; thinking you were the coolest cat in town because your parents just bought a tape player, oh yeah! Crying about the silliest things such as my brother teasing me because I had big teeth, you know every day stuff. I think of this and wonder, in what defining moment did I switch over to the non-existing innocence of being an adult? When did I start forgetting that sometimes you just need to play to feel alive? I’m so lucky to say that in spite of my days in adulthood, I still very much love being a big kid and I have the perfect side kick for it. My husband is amazing and caters to my inner child and lets her come out and play. We’ve been known to create obstacle courses in our home and draw up rules and regulations for the game and then play it until someone wins! We’ve made forts in our living room to watch movies and camped out in our back yard whilst making s ‘mores in our stove and running outside pretending we had a toasty fire. We make up songs to chant as we’re doing mundane things such as cooking to make it more fun and lighthearted. (tacos, tacos, tacos!!) I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t let my inner child come out and play from time to time, it frees my soul!

If you’ve never tried playing like a child as an adult, I highly suggest you try something out this weekend. You don’t have to start big , just a fun game of pretend would be fine, or play a (NICE) practical joke on someone you love. I guarantee that you’d have a blast and you’d find a way to keep coming back for that feeling. Don’t get stuck in the “adult” world of worries and this and that. Let your inner child come out and play a bit and you’d be surprised how rad it feels!

Sad? Mad?

Happy Friday to you all! I hope you’ve had one great week and you’ll have an even better weekend. J

These past two weeks have been quite the learning experience. Last week on Thursday I had an anxiety attack that scared the heebie jeebies out of me. I was pluggin away at my computer and all of the sudden I stared seeing spots and my heart felt like I had was Apolo Ohno having just finished the last lap in speed skating x’s 10.

I felt like I was going to pass out! Oh no, I’m fine I don’t need to go to the doctor, I thought. Well a little more time passed and I said oh yes, you better ask for help because you have another very important life depending on you. A friend took me to the doctor, turns out my body and the baby were completely fine. My mind had “tricked” me into feeling wretched and feeling like my body was about to give up on me. After being really stressed out at work for two weeks , my body finally did what my mind would not do for me. It made me STOP and realize that I’ve been doing things wrong. See all this time I kept thinking, got to think positively , got to just go with the flow and count my blessings and don’t complain. Just go, go , go…... Well guess what, sometimes when you are going through a stressful time it’s OKAY to allow yourself to FEEL angry, frustrated, downright pouty. The trick is to not get stuck in that negative emotion. Here’s my thought, why are we equipped with the ability to experience so many different emotions if it weren’t a healthy process? That is my struggle because I always want to be happy and positive. There comes a point where if the emotion your are experiencing is not what you are allowing your body to feel, there is going to be a sort of discombobulation. I’m not saying to be angry and curse the world all of time, because that’s just taking it too far, but do allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you are feeling and then move on quickly. Think of what you learned from it, chalk it up to experience and let’s go get an ice cream cone! I thank the world so much for all the challenges and learning experiences. That’s what being human is about, and I think I like it! Think about it. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel the downs how will we ever savor and appreciate the highs?

Have a great weekend ya’ll. Make it a good day, only YOU can! (unless today you just want to pout because that’s what you feel and then that’s okay too. ) haha

Love for a child

Happy Friday to you all. I hope you had as fast of a week as I have. Phew!

This week I experienced my baby moving more than her usual. It was the single most amazing feeling I’ve ever felt in my life, (well aside from being in love with my husband). She did this u-turn sort of ninja like move that just sent a thousand love signals to my heart and I knew right then and there that I am going to love her the way God loves me. Unconditionally.

I was talking to a friend that just recently had her baby in December and she said to me ,” I just can’t imagine my life before this little one, I never knew that I could be so bias to a human before having a child.” I started thinking of God’s love for us, he has to feel the same way any parent feels for their child,times elevendy billion. Just enamored by them and completely and utterly behind them no matter WHAT. Oh my goodness to be able to understand that kind of love even 50% just makes me want to cry. I mean I’ve always believed that God loves me so much but sometimes, just sometimes ,when I do “bad” things I just think, dang it, there I go again being all crazy and human like and I think for a second that God might not love me as much as when I’m doing “good” things. BUT the fact of the matter is, and yes folks I know how hard this is to comprehend, the fact of the matter IS, God will always, no matter WHAT love us. Doesn’t mean he’s not saying , dough, whenever we screw up, but he’s always there to lead us through whatever we are facing. Why is it so hard to know that we are loved this much? Can you imagine loving other people that way, not judging them in any way, not holding grudges, loving everyone for who they are? That to me is incredible because as good as I want to be, I myself get caught up in being Judy McJudgerson and can write people off for things that I view different, or weird. But God doesn’t do that. God just loves with all of his heart.

Today, whatever religion you are, whatever your belief system is, just know that God loves you so much in spite of yourself and I hope this gives your heart some peace and comfort and that it makes you smile as it makes me smile.

Make it a great weekend. Only you can.

** I know there is no such number as elevendy billion.

The bunny, the duck and a whole lot of fright.

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I operate as a person. I thought about the things that I’m fearful of, the things that make me happy, the things that make me angry woman; it’s so interesting to depict what makes me tic as a person and why. I know that I am my own worst critic, and that the perception people might have of me, might be nowhere near what I see in myself. Even though I feel like I’m a pretty positive person and some people might think that I’ve got my life together, there are times in my life that I feel lost, alone, and fearful. I can be insecure of myself and what others think of me a lot of the times even if it doesn’t seem like that in the exterior. I got to thinking if I feel this way, do others? Are we all secretly putting up a front of a cool exterior when in the inside we are just an insecure little kid wanting to be loved? My inclination was more towards a yes. I guess I can’t know what’s in every persons hearts or minds, but I do know what I go through in myself and think that I would be the biggest FREAK if it were just me feeling this way. So I’m going to think that I’m not alone in my FREAKDOM and that ya’ll are with me? No? No one? Ohhh come on!! J ha, I have a feeling we all have these feelings of insecurity at some point or another. Insecurity of our image, insecurity of what we’re worth, insecurity about our jobs or where we’re going, insecurity in our relationships, yaddy yaddy yadda . In all of this second guessing myself I got to thinking of where in time I live my life the most. There is the past, the present, and the future. For those who know me well you know I’ve come from a very “challenging” past. I like to feel that my current present is completely blessed and I pray to God that I have a bright future. However, all my time traveling I do in my head on a daily basis I mostly live in the past and in the future. I re-live my “challenging” past and they way I operate as a person is a by- product of my experiences of it. Combine that with my un-known future and you’ve got yourself some chaos. I’m always thinking of what will be, and I worry myself about things that haven’t even happened yet! One down side of an overactive imagination is having these drawn out scenarios to every situation that might start like so, “Oh this Sunday is Easter, I should go to church and wear a nice dress. Well what if I get up and I can’t find something good to wear? What if we get to church and its cold? What if that cold turns into me getting a cold? What if that cold turns into pneumonia? What if my pneumonia gets me a ticket to the hospital for 30 days, all inclusive with hallucinations of bunnies tattooed with flowers and why not throw in a goose in there, even though geese have nothing to do with Easter ((THANKS a lot Target!)) What if in this hallucination I never return to normal and I am doomed to being in bunny hell for the rest of my life?”) Okay that was an over dramatization to make a point. I don’t ever have thoughts like that… nor do I? Well anyhow, hopefully you get my point. We get so worked up on what is going to happen, when we have NOOOOO clue what so ever and we bring our baggage from our past and make an even fuzzier future. What about the present?

For starters, I’m alive, that’s pretty darn cool. My husband was in the men’s restroom at an airport one day and wanted to make small chat with the old man next to him, so he asked him how his day was, the old man responded, “Wonderful, I WOKE up!” How cool is that! What all do we take for granted? Just the fact that we’ve made it to a new day is such an amazing thing. Not to mention, we have legs to walk and eyes to see and hands to feel, and other blessings some people don’t get to have in a lifetime. What more could we need?! If you focus your energy on what your present is, no matter how bad it can get it’s always going to be better than the

un-known future. I’m not saying don’t plan; what I am saying is stop thinking of what will be and live in the present because that is all we have. Right here, right now. I think that a lot of our insecurities come from fear of the un-known. If we focus on today and the fact that we are not alone in our feelings it might make for a magical now. Make it a good day, only you can!

Happy Easter!

The power within

This week I was chatting with one of my best friends. She is one of the most amazing people I know and my longest friend of over a decade. Her and I share a passion for the arts which has been our common thread our whole friendship. My little Pookie (don’t judge me, that’s what I call her and I like it) is currently pursuing her passion having recently moved to the city of angels to make herself a well paid actor. She has what it takes to be on the big screen, big stage, TV, you name it! I believe in her like no body’s bee’s wax! She’s got an amazing voice, she’s an incredible actor AND to boot she’s one of the most beautiful people you’ll ever meet. What’s not to love?

In our conversation, she proclaimed her nerves for her upcoming audition this Saturday for RENT the musical. She just recently got a job as a server at a restaurant and she said, * “ Well I know that I would get a job serving quickly because I’ve done it for so long and I’m good at it, but I’m not too sure about this audition. I’ll go into it thinking it won’t happen but I’ll just go and see what happens. “WHAT? I said!! What, what, what? You think you’re better at serving tables than you are at the craft you’ve been practicing since you stole camera from your little sister to sing Annie’s, Tomorrow as a little girl!? That’s NUTS! You are way better at performing my friend because that is your LOVE, your passion, what makes your skin feel like a million rays of sunshine filled with care bears and dreamcicles and bread sticks from the Olive Garden penetrating through every fiber of your being! I told her it’s good she’s not putting all her eggs in one basket with the audition but her attitude and thoughts about it are already making her fail. Rather than thinking, I LOVE what I do and I’m going to give it my all, whatever the outcome is I will learn from it and be grateful, BUT I know that I’m WORTHY OF IT and good enough to have it.

So many of us sell ourselves short from what our potential is. And we say these things before a presentation for work, or a job interview, or when waiting for something we secretly long for, because we don’t want to be let down with the outcome. But when you go into a journey already thinking you’ve failed you won’t have the confidence enough to bounce back when you’re going through it to succeed because you’ve already proclaimed what is. Am I saying that if she thinks positively she’s going to get the audition for sure? No, unfortunately that is not a guarantee. Not everything that we want we get, but we do get what we need at that point in time. All the difference the attitude shift will do, is make her perform to the BEST of her abilities without thinking of an outcome. Only focusing on the reason that she’s there in the first place is going to make her shine from within. If the directors don’t see that then that job wasn’t the job for her at this time, BUT she will have learned that she loves it all the more to keep trying until someone sees the light from within and when they do, that will mean that’s exactly where she’s supposed to be. She is going to succeed because she loves what she does. As for you, what are you selling yourself short on? Are you making an excuse to why it is okay for your to fail at something rather than just doing it because of the core reason you wanted to do it in the first place? Take this time to reflect on what your LOVES are and don’t let them go. Outcomes are outcomes and the all lead you to YOUR place in this world even if you don’t understand right away where you’re at or where your headed. Make sure you enjoy and LOVE the journey. Say a little prayer for my little Pookie or send her really good thoughts for her audition this Saturday! Be loved, be passionate, be saucy. Happy Friday!

*not necessarily a verbatim quote. Sorry Pookie.

Mull Hill

This has been an especially challenging week for me. Started with the nerves about my dad’s surgery. (By the way it went amazing and he’s better than any doctor could ever imagine! Thank you all for your prayers and good thoughts!) Second of all I’ve been struggling with getting accustomed to my new changing body, new “limitations” and this weird lovely bump that resembles a melon protruding out of my abdomen. I’m starting to have trouble doing things that I’ve been doing for years, like bending down, buckling my shoes, making ninja videos etc. But the most challenging thing this week for me came from my feeling guilty of not being able to help Doug out with our old house as much as I would like. We are STILL not completely moved out of it yet, it needs painting and cleaning in order to rent it out and all of this just proved to be way too much for this little ol’ preggo lady. I had a meltdown in front of my husband, fell down to my knees, threw up my arms to the heavens and with a helpless yelp yelled out, “Doug, we’re NEVER going to be done! NEVER! We have sooooo much left to do, waaaa , waaaaa, waaaaaa!” Water works everywhere! Doug, being the cool, calm and collected dude he is told me not to worry and that we were almost done, basically to not get my nursing bra in a bunch. As I thought about it more and more I just felt like I had been making this tinny thing dictate my joy first of all, second of all; If I were to put all the things that we had to do on a scale and weigh them against what we have already accomplished, the scale would tip more towards being done! What was I all worried about!? Sometimes I feel like we humans tend to want to have that “edge”, or stress if you will, because without it we feel like we’re not doing enough. And to boot, most of the time it’s totally self induced but we are so wrapped up in it that we don’t take a second to notice that we are choosing to make this tinny thing dictate how we feel! Take the time to figure out if you’re making certain things bigger than they really are. These little nuisances make all the difference in your quality of life. Find out what’s truly important to you and say good bye to the rest!

This quote sums up my week. If I just had a good attitude about the tasks I have to complete, they would all feel like a piece of cake! Have a great weekend and stay saucy everyone!

“It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to.” ~Annie Gottlier

FAITH

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about what having FAITH means to me. With my father going into surgery next Monday, I’ve been trying to strengthen my faith. In searching for it on a very rainy day, I was brought back to last August when I went on a market trip to Ohio to visit my stations and learned a wonderful lesson about Faith.

It was a wonderful time of traveling some place new and meeting good people! It was 530AM and I had to drive from Cleveland to Dayton in my little rental car, in the mercy of Aunt Jemima (that’s what I named my navigation system). It was an especially foggy morning and I could barely see the road ahead, but I plugged away out of Cleveland and into the un-treaded territory. It was a nice drive until I got 40 minutes away from my destination, unexpectedly the sky literally got dark in a matter of seconds and the most torrential down pour started to hit my windshield. I stiffened every muscle in my body and a wave of panic washed over me. I could not see anything but my wipers going the maximum speed. My hands were moistened as I griped the wheel and I just keep praying for my faith to be restored and to not have this fear of not knowing where I was and being caught in a terrible storm. I turned the radio to get a bit of a distraction and all I got was static, frantically I pushed the scan button to get a better station… nothing ,static. Finally a station with clarity was on and they were singing a song about nothing other than, FAITH! I felt a sudden wave of relief, suddenly I felt a bit stronger. About a minute after I got stronger, I started sweating of nervousness again due to the fact that I could not see anything on the road. I had no idea if I was on track or if I was going to drive off the road. Panic was settled in ,nicely buckled in the passenger’s seat. About a dozen prayers later, a Wonder Bread Semi merged right in front of me! I thought, “Oh Thank God”, I can now follow Him and I’ll be fine, I put all my focus on the wonder of it all, and just stared straight ahead at the red hearts on the back of the semi. I got stronger! I had a little more FAITH that I was going to be alright. I keep praying for the storm to be over , over and over , and over again but my prayers were going unanswered. .. it wasn’t over BUT I knew I must have been praying for the wrong thing because I had faith my prayers would be answered if they were the right ones.

Now that I had a guide through the storm I started thinking what it meant for me to have FAITH. I realized that the “storm” I was going through was similar to when things are going wrong in life. You can’t stop the storm, you have to have FAITH that you will get through it! I was praying for the storm to stop, when I should have been praying for the FAITH to get through it all! Once I realized that, I quit praying for the storm to stop and I thanked God for my FAITH. I kid you not the minute I did that (the following is not writers embellishment, I promise), the storm stopped and it was like out of a movie. the clouds parted and it became the most beautiful day! I could not believe that all I had to do was pray for my FAITH to become greater than my fear. We are all faced with different circumstances in life that are scary. But when we stop to think that we have the ability to exercise our faith in those times to get stronger and stronger, and know we're not in it alone, it provides a peace unlike anything else. And as more and more “storms” come your way you can withstand a lot more. I hope that if you are going through a storm in your life, that you take a moment to thank God for it and let Him bring you closer to Him. Let Him show you the promise of Heaven. This is not our world.

Know that you are taken care of and that when you have God, you don’t need anything else.

Farytales

The REAL ending to the fairytales we grew up on. Thanks Katie!

Walt Disney was a great man! He created the most epic fairytales of all time. Cinderella, Sleeping beauty, Snow White; just to name a few. I remember being a little girl and wanting to be The Little Mermaid. Yes, on occasion I would wrap my mother’s dresses over my tiny little legs and pretend I didn’t have legs to walk. I would sing the famous , ahhh ah ahhhh ah ahhhh ah ahhhhh ahh (keep singing ) ahhh ah ahhhh ah ahhhh ah ahhhhh ahh , until Ursula (my big brother), would get tired of the act and send a forceful pillow straight to my head and make me cry to my madre, pleading she’d do something about my brothers inadequate behavior. In all my life I thought love was going to be exactly how I saw it in these marvelous movies. After many failed relationships and now a good marriage, I realize that love is far from the tale. Love is wonderful, but it is not at all a fairytale. Love comes in many shapes and forms and sizes. Not one size fits all. Find out what love really is to you in a deeper sense and not this fluff that we get fed through the media of what love is “supposed to be” . You’ll find that you can be much happier when you don’t have a misconstruct view of what love really is. I am sure that our friend Walt had no intention to screw us up! And yes these movies depict a fraction of what love can be, but it should not define it.

What does love mean to you? Find out and be happy.

Love

This whole week I’ve been thinking about relationships. I’ve been thinking of the ups and the downs that we experience and all the different stages of love. From the very first stage that is full of the butterflies, the passion, and the can’t get enough of yous’. To the, I’m comfortable enough now to let go a little and be more of myself around you. To the “I’m so used to you I feel like I don’t know you” stage. To the falling in love all over again. It’s a big ol’ circle that must be completed in order to keep love alive.

I’ve been challenged in the past few months with a family friend that wants to end a 10 year marriage. What happens to love then? I’ve been thinking about it a lot especially now that I have my husband and a child on the way. It’s scary to think that people you never thought would part do. What happens to love then? I am absolutely in no way shape or form an expert on relationships, let alone marriage since Doug and I are only 1 year and 8 months into this whole Tango, BUT here’s what I do believe; Love is a CHOICE. The moment you started dating someone it was because of a specific something or other that made you happy. Something that was so strong at the beginning that you could not even go an hour without thinking about this person. What happens to love? In most cases the world happens, but it is our choice to let it die. When you commit your life to someone you are promising that person that you are going to love them, respect them and make them happy. In my marriage, I know there is trouble in paradise the minute I start questioning why Doug isn’t doing something nice for me. Why is he not treating me like the “Queen” I am? (Drama, that is! Ha) Why is he not, why is he not, why is he not, I’ll think. Right there is the solution to my problem. If I take a deeper look, I see that when I’m so worried about what he’s not doing for me, I am completely neglecting what I AM NOT DOING FOR HIM. I made the choice to marry him because I want to love on him and make HIM happy. I should not be interested in “what have you done for me lately” (Thank you Janet Jackson for those lyrics). Let HIM worry about that on his own. I should worry about making him feel loved, respected and happy in his love language not mine. I have to be so interested in him that I know his love language, but at the same time communicating what is mine to him, so that when he chooses to love on me, it will be loudly heard. I guess what I am trying to get at here is that I now DO NOT BELIEVE IN the “I fell out of love” stage. That is an easy escape from the choice you made at the very beginning of the relationship. You cannot fall out of love because love is a choice. So chose to love the one your with and learn the way they need to be loved and appreciated. I guarantee that the minute you forget about what’s not being done for you and you do for them, the reward of love coming back to you will be tenfold! This applies in all relationships so it’s not just for the married folk. You can do this with your sister, father, and friend. I chose to love today. Do you?

I got an email today with a poll from different kids about what they think love means. Check it out!

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love..'

Rebecca- age 8

Laughter Cures All

My husband and I were bickering about something so trivial the other day and we, being the “passionate” people we are, when positioned on our side of the argument, it is very hard for us to let IT go. Even when 10 minutes into it we have both forgotten what it really was we were having a heated conversation about! We usually need divine intervention to resolve any problem, God bless us both for being so stubborn. BUT in the heat of this very important argument (knobs or handles in our new kitchen mind you, VERY important stuff, ha!) he fumbled on his words as he was trying to make a very stern and manly statement, and could not get words out correctly. I, of course started laughing so hard I was crying because of how funny he sounded. Well should I say, how funny we sounded arguing about something so petty! After the laughter concealed our fiery argument I realized how laughing can heal soooo much. I also go to thinking of why we were even bickering about something so silly when there are people in the world that would not care about a knob or a handle. No, they have more pressing issues to worry about, like having some actual food to put in their stomachs.

My brother always tells me that it is our human nature to be so wrapped up in our little world that we lose sight of others and their struggles. He said, “We are always complaining we have no shoes when our neighbor has no FEET. “

The next time you’re caught in the fiery passion of an argument such as this, ask yourself, is it worth my time and effort to be so upset about this? How many blessings can I count today, that counterbalance everything that I think I’m without?

And I'm Pregnant

In the midst of our fast paced world, I’ve been forced to slow my roll and smell the morning sickness. I’ve been blessed with being able to host a beautiful little being, (the size of a large navel orange, this particular week) in my body. I’m sure that in my short life this is the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever felt in my life, creating a life with the person I love the most! It doesn’t get better than that!

In this entire baby making extravaganza, I’ve had the pleasure of feeling every symptom in the book, from being super sick, to fainting, to things I won’t even talk about! All of this has lead me to believe that I can handle pretty much anything now! Ha and being able to experience all of that got me to thinking of how amazing WE ARE. The degree in which things are planned out to create perfectly, to work perfectly. We have so much potential it’s not even funny! We just need to remember that we were once a swimming little guy that won the MOST INCREDIBLE RACE ! WE WON!! Each and every one of us won the most incredible race ever invented. And here we are, sometimes feeling like we’re not good enough at something or good enough for someone. I say let’s STOP all this mumbo jumbo and get on with our incredible lives. Incredible lives indeed because we beat all the odds and were able to be this amazing, functioning human being that was once the size of a Navel Orange!

Live each day being the BEST person you can be, giving love and kindness to one another. Ask yourself, if this were my last day on earth would I be happy with whom I’m being today?

Hospital Stay

My father is in the hospital right now. He comes from a Mexican family, so of course we ALL decide to come visit him at all hours of the day, in huge groups, at all times. People have to sit on other peoples lap and some on my dad’s hospital bed; gosh we might as well be snuggled up in his swanky hospital sheets! We make the room a party, we are loud, we laugh because we have to in order to camouflage the distressing nature of the hospital, just the character of us South of the border folk, to be loud and in large groups, even when it might not be the most appropriate time or place. And here we are making the B side of this hospital room full of love. Side A, patient Doug, getting ready to have his leg amputated, is ALONE. In the past 4 days he has not had one single visitor. Oh I think he had a phone call from a friend, (another characteristic of the Mexican family is to eves drop and know about everyone’s business) made him elated. One phone call that’s all that Doug the man with the soon to be amputated leg gets….… In my heart I am searching for a way to let him know some compassion without being overbearing. I finally peek my head through the flimsy curtain that divides patient A from patient B and give this man a smile, a look, a something or other to make him happy. Why should patient B have more love than patient A? I am successful!! I catch his gaze and I give him my most sincere smile. Surprising what I saw. His eyes light up and his lips curl up into what looked like a crescent moon smile, not too showy but enough to tell me I just made his day. A smile… a smile…. Something clicked in my heart! I understand right then and there, love is where it’s at. Love for not just your family, love for the family that connects you to life, which is every single person that you see. We’re born, we live, some reproduce, and then we die. Those are things that all humans can say they ultimately phase inevitably. Then if we ALL go through such important things together why do we feel like we’re so different than one another? Why can’t we smile and offer a hug to a “stranger” when we are so quick to hug one of our family members? We are all here for one thing and one thing only. To love. So why don’t we love each other as much as the next guy. All everyone really yearns for in their soul is to be accepted and loved, so why don’t we take the rains and love one person at a time. Not just your lover, or your best friend, but the neighbor you never say a word to, or the stranger that is standing next to you in an elevator. I guarantee the joy you get in your heart from sincerely smiling at someone is something overwhelmingly beautiful. I can’t even imagine what a hug or a stroke of love would do. Stay positive, stay joyful, stay blessed!!