I want to share with you what God has been doing in my heart these past couple of months, because it's been one wild ride! Let's go to a time where I wasn't being very diligent about reading my bible or making time for God in my life. I tell you, this discipline of making time for God does NOT come easy to me. In fact. it's harder and harder the longer I go with out opening my bible or sitting alone with God in prayer and thanksgiving. I need you to know however, that I have ONLY recently started reading the bible. I have been walking with God for 7 years but until recently I finally heard His message nice and clear that if I didn't pick up my bible and started now listening to what He had to say, He was going to come down on me and it wasn't going to be pretty. God has been so gentle with me in revealing only what I can handle. But I was over due for a kick in the shins so I would come to hear His word.
I was six months pregnant with my second daughter, I had just finished filming an independent film where I played a karate Heroine that saved little girls from being sold into human trafficking (Click here if you want to see the trailer). My husband and I were in the midst of remodeling our new home. I was feeling on top of the world because I was in my second trimester of pregnancy and I was comfortable. I was so not on fire for God at the time. My relationship with Him had gone from being so close to Him and reading my devotionals every morning, to prayers at meal time and rehearsed prayers sprinkled in when it was convenient. I was consumed by myself and all the wonderful things I had going on. THEN BAM! I got a hernia on my pelvic area. Cool! I made light of it by naming it Henry the Hernia. But to tell you the truth, I've never been in so much pain in my life. I went from going to the gym 6 days a week, to not being able to work out at all. Or even hold my 2 year old. I was Mrs. busy body and Henry the Hernia took me into daily submission to my couch and my home. Every sermon I heard reminded me of Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". Every loved one reminded me to take it easy. I, like the pregnant- ninja- rebel that I was did the OPPOSITE of that. I by the hairs on my chinny chin chin moved a little wimpy seat from the living room to a bedroom and that's where God met me. I hurt myself so badly that I cried out to God. Why is it that God gives me so many blessings and I forget to want to have a relationship with Him UNTIL I get handed a difficult situation. Then I run back like a sad little puppy giving my master the big sorry eyes saying "Look at how cute I am, please help me!" However, God is patient and he is Faithful. So He tries again with me. The message kept coming on, BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I continued to ignore the message. Until I finally surrendered myself to Him.
I finally stopped going about like I was the boss of something and let God tell me what He needed me to do. I kept thinking that He just wanted me to not do ANYTHING and just wait to hear a deep voice from above. Well I tried but that never happened. God speaks to us daily but our own pride and sin keeps us from really hearing what He has to say. I started seeking Him by reading my bible or listening to sermons on- line. Finally I did listen to a sermon that explained what it means to be still and know that He is God. What God had wanted to tell me all along wasn't to stop doing all the activities in my life. But to acknowledge that He is my boss. To be respectful to Him by making time for Him. Here is where I fall in love with Him more though. NOT for HIS benefit, but for MINE. When I allow God to be God and give in to that beautiful relationship He so longingly wants and I so intensely NEED, I am the one that benefits most because He is God and well, I am just me. I don't know why He loves me, I sometimes don't even know why He forgives me. But He does. And His promises are good. For ANY one who cares to listen and obey Him. I was healed from a huge stronghold in my life at this time of having to submit unwillingly because of my Hernia. God used my unfortunate circumstance to heal me in a way that I am forever grateful. Think of what he can do for you.
God taught me that my prideful attitude is something He can not work with. Daily we're working on destroying that monster inside of me that only fuels other sins. I even thought I was a humble person before this season of chastisement in my life. Humble!? I think NOT. But that's okay, I'm working on it and that is all I can do.
Stay blessed and stay saucy!
I finally stopped going about like I was the boss of something and let God tell me what He needed me to do. I kept thinking that He just wanted me to not do ANYTHING and just wait to hear a deep voice from above. Well I tried but that never happened. God speaks to us daily but our own pride and sin keeps us from really hearing what He has to say. I started seeking Him by reading my bible or listening to sermons on- line. Finally I did listen to a sermon that explained what it means to be still and know that He is God. What God had wanted to tell me all along wasn't to stop doing all the activities in my life. But to acknowledge that He is my boss. To be respectful to Him by making time for Him. Here is where I fall in love with Him more though. NOT for HIS benefit, but for MINE. When I allow God to be God and give in to that beautiful relationship He so longingly wants and I so intensely NEED, I am the one that benefits most because He is God and well, I am just me. I don't know why He loves me, I sometimes don't even know why He forgives me. But He does. And His promises are good. For ANY one who cares to listen and obey Him. I was healed from a huge stronghold in my life at this time of having to submit unwillingly because of my Hernia. God used my unfortunate circumstance to heal me in a way that I am forever grateful. Think of what he can do for you.
God taught me that my prideful attitude is something He can not work with. Daily we're working on destroying that monster inside of me that only fuels other sins. I even thought I was a humble person before this season of chastisement in my life. Humble!? I think NOT. But that's okay, I'm working on it and that is all I can do.
Stay blessed and stay saucy!
