Weeds..... Weeds... and More Weeds.

So today for our “fun” outing I figured it would be beneficial for various parties if I put on my big girl gardening gloves and ventured out to my back yard where many-a-big ugly weeds live. I would be able to get something done while Maddy played outside for a little while. Great idea! I have to admit, hands down, weeds are some of the most interesting life form ever. I adequately prepped myself for the task at hand, and I think I might have ended up looking a little like something out of a cheesy gardening magazine. I had my pink gardening gloves, which my husband got for me (even though I don’t garden, I guess it was in his dreams that I do), had my overalls on with a pretty tank top (so was Maddy), and I had my favorite lip gloss on (O-gloss from Smashbox, this-lip-gloss-kicks-all-other-lip-glosses- A-double-snakes!). Well there I was, started pluggin’ along just fine since I started with the weeds that looked less intimidating. And then it happened……I got to the mother of all weeds. She was large and in charge! I named her Bertha just because that’s what came to mind when thinking of an “in-charge” type of gal (sorry if your name is Bertha or you know of someone whose name is Bertha. I hope you, or the person you know is “in-charge” of many things, and I hope that it doesn’t include getting me jumped for this comment, thank you).

Let me illustrate this weed picture a little better for you because I really want you to understand what a mess our back yard is. We have concrete for the first few feet outside our house. Then there are pretty little rocks that surround a neat little bean shaped island of more concrete. AND in the midst of all this there are millions of weeds coming out of everywhere! Rocks, the black tarp that’s supposed to cover the ground, flower pots, virtually everywhere. Okay well maybe NOT millions of weeds, and maybe not everywhere, but plenty to make a girl sweat, a lot! As I began pulling on Bertha, I realized it wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought; she was going to make it really difficult for me. Maybe the pink gloves made my ambition superfluous, made me believe I was a savvy and experienced gardener, I don’t know. But I had to use my legs for Pete’s sake! One time I almost fell back onto my bum so bad that I just got super frustrated and took of my gardening gloves. I did what a five year old would do and threw them on the ground. This of course symbolized my demise, Bertha won! Don’t judge me until you’ve seen her though. This thing was, well, is gargantuan. I gave it another go and nope. She won AGAIN! At this point I just, if anything, needed to figure out a life lesson of sorts. So I started thinking of my life and I found the perfect lesson. When I let myself go and don’t clean up the “weeds” of my life as they come up, my life starts to get messy, messy. Weeds are my bad habits, the tendency to be mean, my short-fuse, no-patience kind of attitude that from time to time surfaces onto my little soul. Yes, the beginning stages of the weed look somewhat appealing; with its little yellow flowers intermingled as if saying, “Oh look at me, little old me, I’m just a pretty little weed”. But when you allow the weed to grow and grow, it becomes literally rooted so deep that you need a bulldozer to get it out. Be careful of your “weeds”. Put them in check and yank those suckers out before you have Bertha’s all over your bee’s wax. Stay blessed and stay saucy!!!

People, people, people

The dynamics of human relationships …. What an interesting concept that is to me. I love analyzing my relationships and learning from the people around me. I go about this life with the intent of being a stand up gal. I strive to be the best that I can at everything I do. There are times when I feel like I’m doing a great job at life, and… there are other times where, let’s just say, I fall short of every mark! Of course then, I analyze and question every little detail of my essence. Life goes on so fast around me. Before I know it it’s bed time and with a blink of an eye I wake up and do it all over again. Life is so volatile, so fleeting; I have no idea if I get a chance at this tomorrow, that concept in itself makes everything I do a questionable carnival that gets me into trouble because I start going through all the decisions in my life. Am I where I’m supposed to be? Am I good enough for this or that? Am I fulfilling whatever needs fulfillment? Am I using all of my potential? Why am I here? Questions, questions and more questions that at the end of the day I just spent more than enough time working myself up, and for what? To feel anxious and in a desperate state that only creates more questions. When I’m in this whirlwind of “over-thinking” things I am literally in a vortex that is very difficult to come out of, a black hole, if you will, of doubt that shatters every fiber of my being; and that’s when it happens. I begin to feel all alone and as if I am the only person going through this ordeal. It definitely does not help that a part of my personality trait is to be a control freak that wants to be “independent” and do things on my own…. And then something wonderful happens, I get humbled and blessed by the people around me. People that God uses in my life to show me that I am not alone in how I feel, that I am in NEED of human interaction and synergy. This is where my admiration comes in for human relationships. I understand that all the people in my life are in it for a reason.

You think its chance that you just met that really nice and inspiring person at school or that you bumped into a stranger who offered some words of wisdom, helping you figure out a problem you were having? Is it all chance? Is it all just some random acts of randomness (sorry to be redundant). But think about it. IS IT!!??? I think NOT. Every person you come into contact with is a piece of your puzzle. They are in your life for a very specific reason. Sometimes it’s to bless you with words of encouragement. Sometimes to piss you off in some way. Whatever the reason is, know that you will grow somehow if you should allow it. We are more alike than we think. Sure, we can do all we want to be viewed as “individuals“. We can dye our hair, pierce things that shouldn’t be pierced, wear funky clothes to make a statement, but in the end we are all one in the same. Our hearts beat the same way, we all pass certain kinds of unpleasant wind from time to time (some more than others but that’s beside the point), we all question why we are in this world and what our purpose is. We all want to be accepted, and most importantly we all just want to be loved. No matter who we are! We ALL just need to be loved. So let the people around you help you become a better version of you. Let the people around you guide your next step. Even if you meet someone you don’t like, ask yourself why they just so happened to fall in your lap at this specific time. Relationships are interchangeable. When you think you’re helping someone, they might be the ones really doing the work for you. Helping you answer some of the questions in your heart. Allow people to love on you, and for heaven’s sake, love on people. The world is in distress. Everyone is in competition with each other, sizing each other up, wanting what the other person has. What quality of life does this provide? A life that always leaves us wanting what we don’t have and neglects the importance of cultivating our relationships. I say we stop this mumbo jumbo and just allow people to help us become better human beings. Look at the relationships around you and thank God for them. Remember they will only make you a better person if you allow it. Let the realization that you are NOT alone in how helpless you feel. Everyone feels this way, even the most together person feels unsure deep inside. We will never be free of this until we realize that we are on this earth to love people, to be kind to one another and to encourage each other to be better versions of ourselves. What are you going to do today? Go love someone; they might need it more than they’re letting on. A special thanks to EVERYONE that’s in my life, you have no idea how much I love and appreciate you. Stay saucy and be blessed!

The Nasty In Me

Before I gave my life to God I lived a life of despair and sadness. I thought I had control of what I did, and felt okay about sinning day to day. Not that I don’t sin anymore, but back then my sin brought me closer and closer to a life of sadness. Now, my sin drives me closer and closer to God. I used to think of Christians as goody two shoes that did nothing wrong. People who were always right with God, people who were very righteous and had trouble-free lives. Well, now that I’m a Christian myself I find that my life is far from a trouble-free and I am definitely NOT a goody two shoes. ANNNND I do so many things wrong that I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count them. But each day is an amazing opportunity to better myself as a person in Christ and that just makes me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.

I just had one of the most amazing moments in my walk with God the other day. And if it weren’t for the power of prayer, I don’t think I would have understood why I was going through it. I was in Maddy’s room and it had been a really long day and a long previous night for that matter. I get really squirrely if I haven’t had enough sleep, as most people tend to do as well. Maddy loves to give me the hardest times when I’m at my most vulnerable state. I think this is God’s way of grooming me, ha. I was trying to put her down for the night and I just was having the hardest time. She would NOT go to sleep, I tried to keep calm and ten minutes went by….. and then twenty minutes went by, I was still relatively okay but I could feel myself losing steam. At about forty-five minutes of trying to rock this child to sleep, I finally snapped and started rocking her a little too hard for anyone’s taste. I was just sooooooo angry at her for not falling asleep when I wanted her to. I wondered why it was even 20% fair that I was being robbed of sleep and of a lot of my rights as a human being just because of this little person in my life! What a horrible way to think huh? I felt like the worst mother in the world in that split second! I could tell I wasn’t fit to be around Maddy at that point and called my husband in to relieve me. Once I had a minute to eat, (it was 730PM and I still hadn’t had dinner, a definite attribute to my nasty attitude!) I was able to chill out and get a better perspective on the situation. She finally fell asleep and I was able to ask for her forgiveness and reflect on my actions and thoughts. I wondered why I had to go through that and after praying about it for a long while, God told me that it is only natural that I have unpleasant qualities about me… after all I am human. As much as I want to think that I am perfect, God reminds me every day that I am not. I keep trying to put myself in this little box, the “I’m the perfect housewife/ mother/ cook/ ninja/class clown” box, and to tell you the truth, sometimes it is really exhausting! In all honesty, I just really want to be a good person, more than anything. All the things that I do day to day are because I just want to cultivate a kind heart and live a fulfilling life, so I think of any character trait of mine that isn’t “good” as something to be super ashamed of. I try to bury my sins and my UGLY qualities deep in the trenches of my soul. But lately, God has been creating circumstances for me to let it all out! Why??!! I wanted to know right away why I was being called to get these nasty things out in the open. I finally listened to God’s answer and it was so liberating what I found. I can NOT be a holy person if I don’t admit to God that I am a human being and that I do indeed have bad qualities about me. I do indeed think sinful thoughts. I do indeed do bad things that are not Principal’s list material, if you know what I mean! But I shouldn’t be scared of these traits. All God has ever wanted, is for me to let him see into my heart and take over so that he can plant good seeds in place of the bad ones. God knows me inside and out, how silly of me to ever think that I could ever hide anything from him. It just fools me! Being a Christian isn’t about always being on point, it’s about giving our nastiness over to God and letting him help us cleanse from the inside out. The minute we let go of the control and let Him infiltrate our hearts is the minute our transformation to a kinder US begins. I know that I am not the only human in the world to have flaws, so are you letting yours make you a better person or are you burying them so that you can pretend you don’t have any? Let God into your nasty bee’s wax and let him make you new. Make the choice today to give your heart to God, He’s the only one that can fulfill you in the way you need, in the way you want!! He is the yearning that burns deep in your soul that no amount of money, or power, or sex, or possessions could ever fulfill. He is the one we need.

Stay blessed! Stay saucy!