This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I operate as a person. I thought about the things that I’m fearful of, the things that make me happy, the things that make me angry woman; it’s so interesting to depict what makes me tic as a person and why. I know that I am my own worst critic, and that the perception people might have of me, might be nowhere near what I see in myself. Even though I feel like I’m a pretty positive person and some people might think that I’ve got my life together, there are times in my life that I feel lost, alone, and fearful. I can be insecure of myself and what others think of me a lot of the times even if it doesn’t seem like that in the exterior. I got to thinking if I feel this way, do others? Are we all secretly putting up a front of a cool exterior when in the inside we are just an insecure little kid wanting to be loved? My inclination was more towards a yes. I guess I can’t know what’s in every persons hearts or minds, but I do know what I go through in myself and think that I would be the biggest FREAK if it were just me feeling this way. So I’m going to think that I’m not alone in my FREAKDOM and that ya’ll are with me? No? No one? Ohhh come on!! J ha, I have a feeling we all have these feelings of insecurity at some point or another. Insecurity of our image, insecurity of what we’re worth, insecurity about our jobs or where we’re going, insecurity in our relationships, yaddy yaddy yadda . In all of this second guessing myself I got to thinking of where in time I live my life the most. There is the past, the present, and the future. For those who know me well you know I’ve come from a very “challenging” past. I like to feel that my current present is completely blessed and I pray to God that I have a bright future. However, all my time traveling I do in my head on a daily basis I mostly live in the past and in the future. I re-live my “challenging” past and they way I operate as a person is a by- product of my experiences of it. Combine that with my un-known future and you’ve got yourself some chaos. I’m always thinking of what will be, and I worry myself about things that haven’t even happened yet! One down side of an overactive imagination is having these drawn out scenarios to every situation that might start like so, “Oh this Sunday is Easter, I should go to church and wear a nice dress. Well what if I get up and I can’t find something good to wear? What if we get to church and its cold? What if that cold turns into me getting a cold? What if that cold turns into pneumonia? What if my pneumonia gets me a ticket to the hospital for 30 days, all inclusive with hallucinations of bunnies tattooed with flowers and why not throw in a goose in there, even though geese have nothing to do with Easter ((THANKS a lot Target!)) What if in this hallucination I never return to normal and I am doomed to being in bunny hell for the rest of my life?”) Okay that was an over dramatization to make a point. I don’t ever have thoughts like that… nor do I? Well anyhow, hopefully you get my point. We get so worked up on what is going to happen, when we have NOOOOO clue what so ever and we bring our baggage from our past and make an even fuzzier future. What about the present?
For starters, I’m alive, that’s pretty darn cool. My husband was in the men’s restroom at an airport one day and wanted to make small chat with the old man next to him, so he asked him how his day was, the old man responded, “Wonderful, I WOKE up!” How cool is that! What all do we take for granted? Just the fact that we’ve made it to a new day is such an amazing thing. Not to mention, we have legs to walk and eyes to see and hands to feel, and other blessings some people don’t get to have in a lifetime. What more could we need?! If you focus your energy on what your present is, no matter how bad it can get it’s always going to be better than the
un-known future. I’m not saying don’t plan; what I am saying is stop thinking of what will be and live in the present because that is all we have. Right here, right now. I think that a lot of our insecurities come from fear of the un-known. If we focus on today and the fact that we are not alone in our feelings it might make for a magical now. Make it a good day, only you can!
Happy Easter!
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